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The chart below shows the percentage change in the share of international students among university graduates in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006. v.2

The chart below shows the percentage change in the share of international students among university graduates in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006. v. 2
The bar graph shows data for international students in eight different provinces of Canadian Universities between 2001 and 2006. As is presented in the graph, the percentage of international students among those provinces increased significantly. According to the given data, New Brunswick had nearly 7% share of international students in 2001 which was the largest percentage. In this year, Nova Scotia and Quebec both had more than 5% share of international students. All other provinces listed in the graph had less than 5% share of those international students. After 5 years in 2006, the percentages of international students in these provinces increased significantly and New Brunswick had the highest percentage of international students (about 12%) while Nova Scotia and British Columbia both had over 10% such students. The percentage of international students in all other provinces increased noticeably and these shares were between 6% - 8%. In summary, more international students went to study in Canadian Universities in 2006 than 2001, and New Brunswick and British Columbia were the two most favourite provinces for them in 2006.
The bar graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
data for
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international
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students
in eight
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different
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provinces
of Canadian Universities between 2001 and 2006. As
is presented
in the graph, the
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percentage
of
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international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
among those
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provinces
increased
significantly
.

According to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
data, New Brunswick had
nearly
7%
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share
of
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international
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students
in 2001 which was the largest
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percentage
. In this year, Nova Scotia and Quebec both had more than 5%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. All other
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provinces
listed in the graph had less than 5%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
of those
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international
students.

After 5 years in 2006, the
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percentages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provinces
increased
significantly
and New Brunswick had the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
(about 12%) while Nova Scotia and British Columbia both had over 10% such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in all other
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provinces
increased
noticeably
and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shares
were between 6%
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
8%.

In summary, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
went to study in Canadian Universities in 2006 than 2001, and New Brunswick and British Columbia were the two most
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
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provinces
for them in 2006.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS academic The chart below shows the percentage change in the share of international students among university graduates in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
177 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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