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The graph below shows consumers average annual expenditures on cell phone national and international fixed line and services in America between 2001 and 2010 v.2

The graph below shows consumers average annual expenditures on cell phone national and international fixed line and services in America between 2001 and 2010 v. 2
The line graph illustrates the average amount of money spent on mobile phone, national and international fixed-line and services in America on a yearly basis during a decade starting from 2001. It is noticeable that while the annual expenditure on cell phone experienced a significant increase, the opposite was true for that on national fixed-line services. In addition, the figure for international fixed-line services is the lowest among three kinds over the period shown. In 2001, the average money spent on national fixed-line services of the US residents was approximately 700 dollars, in comparison with the expenditure of only around 250 dollars on international landline services and 200 dollars on mobile phone services. Over the next 5 years, a decrease of 200 dollars was witnessed in the expenditure of national fixed-line services, in contrast with the figure for cell phone services, which underwent a considerable growth of 300 dollars. At the same time, the average money poured into international landline services volatiled slightly around 300 dollars. In 2006, the American consumers spent the same amount of money on national fixed-line and cell phone services, with 500 dollars on each. From 2006 to 2010, while the cell phone services’ figure showed an upward trend and hit the highest point in 2010 with 750 dollars, the yearly spending on national landline services fell moderately and was about 400 dollars at the end of the period. During the same period, the expenditure on overseas fixed-line services remained stable.
The line graph illustrates the average amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent on mobile
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phone
,
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national
and
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international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
-line and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
in America on a yearly basis during a decade starting from 2001.

It is noticeable that while the annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
on
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cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
experienced a significant increase, the opposite was true for that on
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national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
-line
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
In addition
, the figure for
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international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
-line
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
is the lowest among three kinds over the period shown.

In 2001, the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent on
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national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
-line
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
of the US residents was approximately 700
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dollars
,
in comparison
with the
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expenditure
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
around 250
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dollars
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
landline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
and 200
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dollars
on mobile
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phone
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services
. Over the
next
5 years, a decrease of 200
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dollars
was witnessed
in the
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expenditure
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
-line
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
,
in contrast
with the figure for
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cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, which underwent a considerable growth of 300
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dollars
. At the same time, the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
poured into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
landline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
Possible spelling mistake found.
volatiled
slightly
around 300 dollars.

In 2006, the American consumers spent the same amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
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national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
-line and
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cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, with 500
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dollars
on each. From 2006 to 2010, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services’
figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an upward trend and hit the highest point in 2010 with 750
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dollars
, the yearly spending on
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national
landline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
fell
moderately
and was about 400
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dollars
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period. During the same period, the
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expenditure
on overseas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
-line
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
remained stable.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The graph below shows consumers average annual expenditures on cell phone national and international fixed line and services in America between 2001 and 2010 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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