Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The two pie charts given compares the proportion of people who commuted to the university by five different means of transport over the course of 5 years from 2004 to 2009. v.2

The two pie charts given compares the proportion of people who commuted to the university by five different means of transport over the course of 5 years from 2004 to 2009. v. 2
The two pie charts given compares the proportion of people who commuted to the university by five different means of transport, namely cars, bus, bicycle, walk and train over the course of 5 years from 2004 to 2009. It is clear that the rate of people traveling by cars decreased significantly from 1994 to 2004 whereas the popularity of other methods observed an upward trend. In 2004, over half of the visitors drove to the university about 51% while there was only 33% of that took a bus. Bike riders ranked only 9% of the total number, but this figure was still three-fold higher than those of walkers and train commuters, at 4% and 3% respectively. After 5 years, the percentages of people decided to commute by bus rose sharply to 46 %. There was a similar pattern with the rate of bicycle users train passengers and pedestrians. It went slightly by 1 to 2%. In contrast, the percentage of people enjoying traveling by car to this university witnessed a spectacular drop to 28 percent.
The two pie charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
compares the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who commuted to the university by five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
means of transport,
namely
cars, bus, bicycle, walk and train over the course of 5 years from 2004 to 2009.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
traveling by cars decreased
significantly
from 1994 to 2004 whereas the popularity of other methods observed an upward trend.

In 2004, over half of the visitors drove to the university about 51% while there was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
33% of that took a bus. Bike riders ranked
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
9% of the total number,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this figure was
still
three-fold higher than those of walkers and train commuters, at 4% and 3%
respectively
.

After 5 years, the percentages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decided to commute by bus rose
sharply
to 46 %. There was a similar pattern with the rate of bicycle users train passengers and pedestrians. It went
slightly
by 1 to 2%.
In contrast
, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoying traveling by car to this university witnessed a spectacular drop to 28 percent.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The two pie charts given compares the proportion of people who commuted to the university by five different means of transport over the course of 5 years from 2004 to 2009. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
175 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts