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The two pie charts given compares the proportion of people who commuted to the university by five different means of transport over the course of 5 years from 2004 to 2009. v.2

The two pie charts given compares the proportion of people who commuted to the university by five different means of transport over the course of 5 years from 2004 to 2009. v. 2
The two pie charts given compares the proportion of people who commuted to the university by five different means of transport, namely cars, bus, bicycle, walk and train over the course of 5 years from 2004 to 2009. It is clear that the rate of people traveling by cars decreased significantly from 1994 to 2004 whereas the popularity of other methods observed an upward trend. In 2004, over half of the visitors drove to the university about 51% while there was only 33% of that took a bus. Bike riders ranked only 9% of the total number, but this figure was still three-fold higher than those of walkers and train commuters, at 4% and 3% respectively. After 5 years, the percentages of people decided to commute by bus rose sharply to 46 %. There was a similar pattern with the rate of bicycle users train passengers and pedestrians. It went slightly by 1 to 2%. In contrast, the percentage of people enjoying traveling by car to this university witnessed a spectacular drop to 28 percent.
The two pie charts
given
compares the proportion of
people
who commuted to the university by five
different
means of transport,
namely
cars, bus, bicycle, walk and train over the course of 5 years from 2004 to 2009.

It is
clear
that the rate of
people
traveling by cars decreased
significantly
from 1994 to 2004 whereas the popularity of other methods observed an upward trend.

In 2004, over half of the visitors drove to the university about 51% while there was
only
33% of that took a bus. Bike riders ranked
only
9% of the total number,
but
this figure was
still
three-fold higher than those of walkers and train commuters, at 4% and 3%
respectively
.

After 5 years, the percentages of
people
decided to commute by bus rose
sharply
to 46 %. There was a similar pattern with the rate of bicycle users train passengers and pedestrians. It went
slightly
by 1 to 2%.
In contrast
, the percentage of
people
enjoying traveling by car to this university witnessed a spectacular drop to 28 percent.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS academic The two pie charts given compares the proportion of people who commuted to the university by five different means of transport over the course of 5 years from 2004 to 2009. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
175 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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