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The figures below compare the number of internet users in several European nations as well as the prevalence of online shopping in these countries. v.2

The figures below compare the number of internet users in several European nations as well as the prevalence of online shopping in these countries. v. 2
A glance at the figures reveals that Internet use in Europe exponentially grew in the period from 1995 to 2004. In addition, the UK was ranked first in the popularity of online shopping among the five countries listed. As can be seen from the table, Internet was always most widely used by British people. More surprisingly, the quantity of Internet users in here was by far larger than that of the second most country - Germany, at 41 million compared with 15 million in 2004, respectively. Also, in the same year, there were a mere 6 million people using Internet in France, 4 million in Switzerland, and 2 million in Spain. Specifically, the UK saw a steady increase in the number of Internet users from 16 million in 1995 to 22 million in 2000 before surging to a staggering 41 million in 2004. Likewise, Germany and France experienced a threefold climb respectively from 5 and 2 million in 1995 to 15 and 6 million in 2004. The other two countries, Switzerland and Spain even had a fourfold growth of Internet users after 10 years' time. Proportion of online shopping in the UK, therefore, stood at the highest position among European countries. However, it is a paradox that Spain, which was ranked last in the total number of Internet users, had the second most online buyers in Europe. Meanwhile, there was moderate prevalence of online shopping in France, Germany and Switzerland.
A glance at the figures reveals that Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in Europe
exponentially
grew in the period from 1995 to 2004.
In addition
, the UK
was ranked
first
in the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping among the five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
listed.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the table, Internet was always most
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by British
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. More
surprisingly
, the quantity of Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
in here was by far larger than that of the second most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Germany, at 41
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
compared with 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 2004,
respectively
.
Also
, in the same year, there were a mere 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
using Internet in France, 4
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million
in Switzerland, and 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in Spain.

Specifically
, the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a steady increase in the number of Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
from 16
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million
in 1995 to 22
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 2000
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
surging to a staggering 41
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 2004.
Likewise
, Germany and France experienced a threefold climb
respectively
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 5 to 2"?
from 5 and 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 1995 to 15 and 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 2004. The other two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, Switzerland and Spain even had a fourfold growth of Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
after 10
Possible spelling mistake found.
years&
#039; time.

Proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping in the UK,
therefore
, stood at the highest position among European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, it is a paradox that Spain, which
was ranked
last in the total number of Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
, had the second most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
buyers in Europe. Meanwhile, there was moderate prevalence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping in France, Germany and Switzerland.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS academic The figures below compare the number of internet users in several European nations as well as the prevalence of online shopping in these countries. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
240 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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