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The chart below shows the changes that took places in three areas of crime in Newport City from 2003 to 2012. v.2

The chart below shows the changes that took places in three areas of crime in Newport City from 2003 to 2012. v. 2
The line graph given illustrates the information about the alterations for three various criminal field, namely burglary, car theft and robbery in the inner city over the course of 9 years from 2003 to 2012. In general, the number of burglaries showed a downward trend, whereas the quantities of car theft and robbery fluctuated relatively. In 2003, the figure for housebreaking occurrences was highest, approximately 3400, while the quantity for car theft was slightly lower, about 2800 incidents. At this point, the rate of robbery cases was the lowest, at only about 600. As for the burglaries, it dramatically declined in 2008, just over 1100 incidents, after growing slightly and peaking at 3800 cases in 2004. Subsequently, there was a gradual oscillation in this illegal act between 2008 and 2012. By contrast, there was a significant drop in the proportion of car theft, just over 2000 instances, after remaining steady in the last two years. Next 6 years, this figure for car theft moderately rose and continued to reach a peak at 2700 cases in 2012. Meanwhile, the robberies witnessed a period of small volatility and hardly any change during the 9 years.
The line graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
illustrates the information about the alterations for three various criminal
Possible agreement error. The noun 'field' seems to be countable, so consider using: "fields".
field
,
namely
burglary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
and
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robbery
in the inner city over the course of 9 years from 2003 to 2012.

In general
, the number of burglaries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a downward trend, whereas the quantities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
and
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robbery
fluctuated
relatively
.

In 2003, the figure for housebreaking occurrences was highest, approximately 3400, while the quantity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
was
slightly
lower, about 2800 incidents. At this point, the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robbery
cases was the lowest, at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about 600.

As for the burglaries, it
dramatically
declined in 2008,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 1100 incidents, after growing
slightly
and peaking at 3800 cases in 2004.
Subsequently
, there was a gradual oscillation in this illegal act between 2008 and 2012. By contrast, there was a significant drop in the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 2000 instances, after remaining steady in the last two years.
Next
6 years, this figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theft
moderately
rose and continued to reach a peak at 2700 cases in 2012. Meanwhile, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
robberies
witnessed a period of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
volatility and hardly any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
during the 9 years.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS academic The chart below shows the changes that took places in three areas of crime in Newport City from 2003 to 2012. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
193 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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