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The given tabular chart reveals the information about for different secondary schools attended by pupils in what proportion among the years 2000, 2005, and 2009. v.2

The given tabular chart reveals the information about for different secondary schools attended by pupils in what proportion among the years 2000, 2005, and 2009. v. 2
The given tabular chart reveals the information about four different Secondary Schools attended by proportion of pupils among the years 2000, 2005 and 2009. The data is calibrated in percentum. To begin, the proportion in voluntary controlled schools fell from just over half to only 20 % or One fifth from 2000 to 2009. Similarly, the number of children in Grammar Schools declined half from the ratio of students from voluntary controlled schools in same period. As for the specialist schools, the relatively small percentage of pupils attending this type of school also fell, although not significantly. However, while other three types of school declined in importance. After that, only a small majority of 12% were educated in these schools in 2000, this figure increased to 58% among pupils during the following nine years. Overall, it is evident that, voluntary controlled schools were leading as compared to other schools in the starting years, while in the last year community schools replaced their position and became first preference of children for education.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
tabular chart reveals the information about four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
attended by proportion of pupils among the years 2000, 2005 and 2009. The data
is calibrated
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
percentum
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, the proportion in voluntary controlled
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schools
fell from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over half to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
20 % or One fifth from 2000 to 2009.
Similarly
, the number of children in Grammar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
declined half from the ratio of students from voluntary controlled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in same period. As for the specialist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, the
relatively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
percentage of pupils attending this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
also
fell, although not
significantly
.

However
, while other three types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
declined in importance. After that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
majority of 12%
were educated
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in 2000, this figure increased to 58% among pupils during the following nine years.

Overall
, it is evident that, voluntary controlled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
were leading as compared to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in the starting years, while in the last year community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
replaced their position and became
first
preference of children for education.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS academic The given tabular chart reveals the information about for different secondary schools attended by pupils in what proportion among the years 2000, 2005, and 2009. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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