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The two pie charts compare the percentages of British students at a teriary school in England who had ability to use variety of languages between 2000 and 2010. v.2

The two pie charts compare the percentages of British students at a teriary school in England who had ability to use variety of languages between 2000 and 2010. v. 2
The two pie charts compare the percentages of British students at a teriary school in England who had ability to use variety of languages between 2000 and 2010. Overall, the proportions of no other language, two other languages and no other languages experienced a increase in the period of a decade. Also, Bristish students spoke more common in another language for the given time. As is observed from the graph, in 2000, the figure for another language had occupied at 30%. This number was as high as twice that of no other language and French only. It is noticeable that only 10% of British students spoke two other language and German only for each. In 2000, the second prevaling language in addition to english was spanish, at 20%. In the following 10 years, there was a slight rise in the number of British students using French, no other language and another language. To be specific, the percentage of another language remained the most common and had climbed to 35% in 2010. Furthermore, the figure for two other language witnessed an upsurge by 5%. By contrast, proportions of spanish and French had a downward trend and stood at only 10% for each in 2010. However the number of German was stable, at 10% in the given period of time.
The two pie charts compare the percentages of British
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students
at a
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teriary
school in England who had ability to
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use
variety of
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languages
between 2000 and 2010.
Overall
, the proportions of no
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other
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language
, two
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other
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languages
and no
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other
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languages
experienced
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
increase in the period of a decade.
Also
,
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Bristish
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students
spoke more common in another
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language
for the
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given
time.

As
is observed
from the graph, in 2000, the figure for another
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language
had occupied at 30%. This number was as high as twice that of no
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other
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language
and French
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only
. It is noticeable that
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only
10% of British
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students
spoke two
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other
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language
and German
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only
for each. In 2000, the second
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prevaling
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language
in addition
to
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english
was
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spanish
, at 20%. In the following 10 years, there was a slight rise in the number of British
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students
using French, no
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other
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language
and another
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language
. To be specific, the percentage of another
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language
remained the most common and had climbed to 35% in 2010.
Furthermore
, the figure for two
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other
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language
witnessed an upsurge by 5%. By contrast, proportions of
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spanish
and French had a downward trend and stood at
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only
10% for each in 2010.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the number of German was stable, at 10% in the
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given
period of time.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS academic The two pie charts compare the percentages of British students at a teriary school in England who had ability to use variety of languages between 2000 and 2010. v. 2

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
218 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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