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The charts show the percentage of British students at one university in England who are able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. v.2

The charts show the percentage of British students at one university in England who are able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. v. 2
The supplied pie charts give information on the change in the percentage of British students who are either bilingual or multilingual at an university in England over a decade between 2000 and 2010. As can be seen, the number of the students who were not able to speak any foreign languages decreased significantly over the 10-year period of time. Initially, in 2000, nearly the third of the students could speak Spanish, while the percentage of the students who were able to speak German in addition to English was as less as 10 per cent. The number of the students who were multilingual was also less, at 10 per cent. Then, 10 years later, these figures were changed substantially, except the number of the students who were able to speak German, remained the same at 10 per cent in 2010. The percentage of the students who were multilingual and could speak Spanish increased by 5 per cent reaching 15 and 35 per cents in 2010, respectively. Interestingly, the number of the students who were able to speak only English decreased as much as twice from 20 per cent in 2000 to 10 per cent in 2010. Overall, the charts indicate that the number of the students at an university in England who could speak foreign languages increased significantly over the 10-year period of time.
The supplied pie charts give information on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the percentage of British
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students
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who
are either bilingual or multilingual at
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
university in England over a decade between 2000 and 2010.

As can be
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seen
, the
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number
of the
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students
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who
were not
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able
to
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speak
any foreign languages decreased
significantly
over the 10-year period of time.

Initially
, in 2000,
nearly
the third of the
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students
could
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speak
Spanish, while the percentage of the
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students
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who
were
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able
to
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speak
German
in addition
to English was as
Did you mean "less", "little"?
less
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
10 per cent. The
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number
of the
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students
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who
were multilingual was
also
less, at 10 per cent.

Then, 10 years later, these figures were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
substantially
, except the
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number
of the
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students
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who
were
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able
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
speak
German, remained the same at 10 per cent in 2010. The percentage of the
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students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were multilingual and could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
speak
Spanish increased by 5 per cent reaching 15 and 35 per cents in 2010,
respectively
.

Interestingly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to
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speak
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only
English decreased as much as twice from 20 per cent in 2000 to 10 per cent in 2010.

Overall
, the charts indicate that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of the
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students
at
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
university in England
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
speak
foreign languages increased
significantly
over the 10-year period of time.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS academic The charts show the percentage of British students at one university in England who are able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010. v. 2

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
223 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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