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The shown pie charts illustrate data about distribution of the amount of the water on 4 various targets in the given countries. v.1

The shown pie charts illustrate data about distribution of the amount of the water on 4 various targets in the given countries. v. 1
The shown pie charts illustrate data about distribution of the amount of the water on 4 various targets in the given countries. Overall, The developing regions consume water significantly on agriculture use, while affluent areas use the primary amount of water for industrial use. As is observed from the graph, the percentage of industrial use in north america accounts for approximately a half in total, followed by agricultural use, at nearly 40%. The lowest figure is on domestic use, at only 13%. Similarly, Eroupe uses considerably the amount of water on industrial purpose, at more 50%. Only 15% in total is consumed on domestic use. It is obvious that the remaining countries develop a similar pattern. These countries have used a third quarter or more of water share on agriculture use. The most remarkable figure is in the central Asia, with the figure reaching 88%. Furthermore proportion of industrial use in South Africa and south eastasia are 10% and 12% respectively compared to under 10% in Africa and central Asia. Moreover, south america set the second priority on domestic use while there is above 10% in the rest of countries.
The shown pie charts illustrate data about distribution of the amount of the
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water
on 4 various targets in the
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given
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countries
.
Overall
, The developing regions consume
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water
significantly
on agriculture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, while affluent areas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the primary amount of
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water
for
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industrial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

As
is observed
from the graph, the percentage of
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industrial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
north america
accounts for approximately a half in total, followed by agricultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, at
nearly
40%. The lowest figure is on domestic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
13%.
Similarly
,
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Eroupe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
considerably
the amount of
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water
on
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industrial
purpose, at more 50%.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
15% in total
is consumed
on domestic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. It is obvious that the remaining
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countries
develop a similar pattern. These
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countries
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
a third quarter or more of
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water
share on agriculture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. The most remarkable figure is in the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
central Asia
, with the figure reaching 88%.
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Furthermore
proportion of
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industrial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in South Africa and south
Possible spelling mistake found.
eastasia
are 10% and 12%
respectively
compared to under 10% in Africa and
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
central Asia
.
Moreover
,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
south america
set the second priority on domestic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
while there is above 10% in the rest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS academic The shown pie charts illustrate data about distribution of the amount of the water on 4 various targets in the given countries. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
190 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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