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The pie graphs below compare the percentages of the population in three different age groups, in two nations, in 2000 and 2050. v.2

The pie graphs below compare the percentages of the population in three different age groups, in two nations, in 2000 and 2050. v. 2
The pie graphs below compare the percentages of the population in three different age groups, in two nations, in 2000 and 2050. Overall, people in both countries are going to grow older in the next 50 years. The age group 0-14 tend to decrease in the future. In 2000, just over half of the population was aged 0-14 in Yemen while this figure was 14. 3% in Italy. People aged 15-59 accounted for 46. 3% and 61. 6%, in Yemen and Italy, respectively. The group age over 60 occupied 3. 6% in Yemen while this figure in Italy was nearly a quarter. In 2050, in Yemen, while people aged 15-59 is expected to grow rapidly from 46. 3% to 57. 3%, the children who aged under 15 will drop dramatically to 37%. In Italy, although the group of age 15-59 is predicted to decrease quickly to 46. 2%, people aged over 60 tend to rise nearly double from 24, 1 % in 2000.
The pie graphs below compare the percentages of the population in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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age
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groups
, in two nations, in 2000 and 2050.

Overall
,
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people
in both countries are going to grow older in the
next
50 years. The
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
0-14 tend to decrease in the future.

In 2000,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over half of the population was
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aged
0-14 in Yemen while this figure was 14. 3% in Italy.
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People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
15-59 accounted for 46. 3% and 61. 6%, in Yemen and Italy,
respectively
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
over 60 occupied 3. 6% in Yemen while this figure in Italy was
nearly
a quarter.

In 2050, in Yemen, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
15-59 is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to grow
rapidly
from 46. 3% to 57. 3%, the children who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
under 15 will drop
dramatically
to 37%. In Italy, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
15-59
is predicted
to decrease
quickly
to 46. 2%,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
over 60 tend to rise
nearly
double from 24, 1 % in 2000.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The pie graphs below compare the percentages of the population in three different age groups, in two nations, in 2000 and 2050. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
163 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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