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The two pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010. v.2

The two pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010. v. 2
The given circular charts highlight the information about the household expenditures on six distinct factors by a nation during the years: 1950 and 2010. It is a clear and coherent representation. Overall, it is evident that expending on each category had marginally increased except transportation as it was drastically decreased in the last year. It can be seen that during the year 1950, people preferred to spend on housing however, this trend had been drastically declined in the year 2010 to only 22. 0%. Moreover, in regards the percentage of food expenditure in the year 1950 was comparatively low than 2010. Furthermore, health care was the only category in which least amount of expense had been spent by the people. As far as trend was concerned, education comprised of 6. 6% in the first year and then, it had showed only a slight decrease of about a mere 6. 6% to 6. 5% in 2010. Likewise, in the year 1950, transportation consisted of 3. 3% household expenditure which rose significantly to 14. 0% 60 years later.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
circular charts highlight the information about the household expenditures on six distinct factors by a nation during the years: 1950 and 2010. It is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
and coherent representation.

Overall
, it is evident that expending on each category had
marginally
increased except transportation as it was
drastically
decreased in the last year.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1950,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
preferred to spend on housing
however
, this trend had been
drastically
declined in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2010 to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
22. 0%.
Moreover
, in regards the percentage of food expenditure in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1950 was
comparatively
Use "lower" to make a comparison with this adjective.
low
than 2010.
Furthermore
, health care was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
category in which
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
amount of expense had
been spent
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

As far as trend
was concerned
, education comprised of 6. 6% in the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
and then, it had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a slight decrease of about a mere 6. 6% to 6. 5% in 2010.
Likewise
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1950, transportation consisted of 3. 3% household expenditure which rose
significantly
to 14. 0% 60 years later.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS academic The two pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
176 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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