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The pie chart below shows the methods of booked for English courses by international students in three different countries in 2009 and in 2010. v.1

The pie chart below shows the methods of booked for English courses by international students in three different countries in 2009 and in 2010. v. 1
The pie chart represents the changes in English course booking methods namely; agents, internet, after arrival and other by international students who travelled to three different countries (Canada, Australia and the US) between 2009 and 2010. Overall, the majority of students booked the courses through agents in both periods except for the US in 2009 where students booked by others. It is interesting to note that, Canada experienced increasing proportion of students preferred to book the courses by internet than that of agents, arrival or other. Meanwhile, Australia had remained the similar proportion in applying for English courses in the projected periods. In the US, close to half of students booked the courses by other methods in 2009 (of 49%), followed by agents of 20% and others and internet had the equivalent of rest of proportions in the same year. By 2010, the preference of booking the courses by others dropped drastically to 20% whereas agents increased remarkably to 65%. The rest of methods remained at similar portions. In contrast, the Canada experienced the opposite trends where there was growing percentages in internet methods from 22% in 2009 to 59% in 2010. While the agents way of booking decreased from 69% to 65% in 2009 and 2010 respectively, the rest of methods had witnessed the similar preferences. In terms of Australia, from 2009 to 2010, international students booked the language courses remained unchanged.
The pie chart represents the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in English
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course
booking
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methods
namely
;
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agents
, internet, after arrival and
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other
by international
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students
who travelled to three
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different
countries (Canada, Australia and the US) between 2009 and 2010.

Overall
, the majority of
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students
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booked
the
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courses
through
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agents
in both periods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
the US in 2009 where
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students
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booked
by others. It is interesting to note that, Canada experienced increasing proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
preferred to book the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
by internet than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agents
, arrival or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. Meanwhile, Australia had remained the similar proportion in applying for English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
in the projected periods.

In the US, close to half of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
booked
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
in 2009 (of 49%), followed by
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agents
of 20%
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and others
and internet had the equivalent of rest of proportions in the same year. By 2010, the preference of booking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
by others dropped
drastically
to 20% whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agents
increased
remarkably
to 65%. The rest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
remained at similar portions.

In contrast
, the Canada experienced the opposite trends where there was growing percentages in internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
from 22% in 2009 to 59% in 2010. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agents
way of booking decreased from 69% to 65% in 2009 and 2010
respectively
, the rest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
had witnessed the similar preferences.

In terms of Australia, from 2009 to 2010, international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
booked
the language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
remained unchanged.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS academic The pie chart below shows the methods of booked for English courses by international students in three different countries in 2009 and in 2010. v. 1

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
233 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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