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The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010. v.3

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010. v. 3
The pie charts show the expenses made in housing, food, healthcare, education, transportation and other items in a country in 1950 and 2010. As is observed from the pie charts, in 1950 almost two-third expenditure was in housing whereas this average expenditure has been increased for food, transportation etc. in 2010. According to the given data, more than 70% expenditure of the people in this country went on in housing in 1950. The second most expenditure in this country was for food. All other expenditures including healthcare, education, transportation etc. were less than 20% in total. After 60 years the trends of expenditure in this country significantly changed. People’s expenditure in housing decreased to only 22% while the expenditure for food increased to just over one-third of the total. Interestingly, the expenditure on education decreased over the time while the expenses for transportation increased to 14%. All other expenditure in 1950 was only 4. 4% which increased to roughly 20% in 2010 which indicates the new addition in the category where people started expensing more than they did in 1950. In summary, the expenditure nature of people had changed significantly in 2010 than that had been in 1950 and it is obvious that expenses on food upsurged.
The pie charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the expenses made in housing,
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food
, healthcare, education,
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transportation
and other items in a
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country
in 1950 and 2010. As
is observed
from the pie charts, in 1950 almost two-third
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expenditure
was in housing whereas this average
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expenditure
has been
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increased
for
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food
,
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transportation
etc. in 2010.

According to the
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given
data, more than 70%
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expenditure
of the
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people
in this
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country
went on in housing in 1950. The second most
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expenditure
in this
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country
was for
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food
. All other
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expenditures
including healthcare, education,
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transportation
etc. were less than 20% in total.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
60 years the trends of
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expenditure
in this
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country
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
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People’s
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expenditure
in housing decreased to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
22% while the
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expenditure
for
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food
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increased
to
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just
over one-third of the total.
Interestingly
, the
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expenditure
on education decreased over the time while the expenses for
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transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
to 14%. All other
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expenditure
in 1950 was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
4. 4% which
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increased
to roughly 20% in 2010 which indicates the new addition in the category where
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
expensing more than they did in 1950.

In summary, the
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expenditure
nature of
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people
had
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changed
significantly
in 2010 than that had been in 1950 and it is obvious that expenses on
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food
upsurged.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS academic The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010. v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
207 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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