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The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992. v.2

The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992. v. 2
The pie charts outline employment scenario of British males and females in six job sectors in 1992. It is obvious that manual jobs were predominantly done by males whereas a higher percentage of females did clerical jobs. Moreover, managerial and craft related jobs were engaged by a higher proportion of both genders. As the illustration indicates, more percentages of British males worked in manual sectors, except in craft-related industries, compared to their female counterparts. For instance, 2% general labourers in Great Britain were men while the female labourers’ ratio was half of that. Moreover, 24% males worked in numerous other manual jobs while this was only 3% for females. Nevertheless, 27% females in craft-related industries marginally exceeded the ratio of males in the same sector. Looking further into the data, non-manual professions included managerial & professional, clerical and other non-manual jobs. Interestingly, employment rates of females in clerical was five times higher than that of males. This is the job category that many females (31%) we engaged in. Besides, over one-third males were in managerial and professional jobs while almost 30% females were in these positions as well.
The pie charts outline employment scenario of British
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males
and
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females
in six
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job
sectors in 1992. It is obvious that manual
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jobs
were
predominantly
done by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
whereas a higher percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
did clerical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Moreover
, managerial and craft related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
were engaged
by a higher proportion of both genders.

As the illustration indicates, more percentages of British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
worked in manual sectors, except in craft-related industries, compared to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
counterparts.
For instance
, 2% general
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
in Great Britain were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
’ ratio was half of that.
Moreover
, 24%
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males
worked in numerous other manual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
while this was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3% for
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females
.
Nevertheless
, 27%
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females
in craft-related industries
marginally
exceeded the ratio of
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males
in the same sector.

Looking
further
into the data, non-manual professions included managerial & professional, clerical and other non-manual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Interestingly
, employment rates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in clerical was five times higher than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
. This is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
category that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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females
(31%) we engaged in.
Besides
, over one-third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
were in managerial and professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
while almost 30%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
were in these positions
as well
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS academic The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
188 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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