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The line graph below shows the average monthly temperatures in three major cities. v.2

The line graph below shows the average monthly temperatures in three major cities. v. 2
The line graph displays the changes in temperature in three cities (Paris, Dubai and Sydney) in different months of a year. Temperature is measured in Celsius degree. Overall, the weather pattern in Sydney is quite the opposite of Dubai and Paris. Furthermore, Paris is the coldest city among the three. To begin with, the temperature in Paris never goes above 20 degrees. In contrast, Dubai seldom sees its temperature below this level, except for January (19 degree C). However, despite the striking differences, the temperatures in Paris and Dubai still have some similarities, as they rise continually from the beginning of the year to reach a peak in August. The highest temperature in Paris and Dubai are 20 and 36 degrees, respectively. Afterwards, both cities became colder and the temperature fell steadily. As can be seen, the differences in temperature between August and December in both Paris and Dubai are the same, 15 degrees celsius. Regarding Sydney, it witnesses 24 degree temperature in January. From there, the temperature drops continuously before going down to the lowest point of 14 degrees in July. The five remaining months see the temperature increase dramatically, to reach 23 degrees by the end of the year.
The line graph displays the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
in three cities (Paris, Dubai and Sydney) in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
months of a year.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Temperature
is measured
in Celsius degree.

Overall
, the weather pattern in Sydney is quite the opposite of Dubai and Paris.
Furthermore
, Paris is the coldest city among the three.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
in Paris never goes above 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
.
In contrast
, Dubai seldom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
below this level,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
January (19
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
C).
However
, despite the striking differences, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperatures
in Paris and Dubai
still
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
similarities, as they rise
continually
from the beginning of the year to reach a peak in August. The highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
in Paris and Dubai are 20 and 36
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
,
respectively
. Afterwards, both cities became colder and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
fell
steadily
. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, the differences in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
between August and December in both Paris and Dubai are the same, 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
Possible spelling mistake found.
celsius
.

Regarding Sydney, it witnesses 24
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
in January. From there, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
drops
continuously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going down to the lowest point of 14
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
in July. The five remaining months
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
increase
dramatically
, to reach 23
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the year.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The line graph below shows the average monthly temperatures in three major cities. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
201 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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