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The line graph below shows the average monthly temperatures in three major cities. v.3

The line graph below shows the average monthly temperatures in three major cities. v. 3
The average monthly temperature of three cities - Paris, Dubai and Sydney, is given in the bar graph and the data compares how the temperature in these cities changes throughout the year. The temperature is measured in Celsius. Overall, Dubai and Paris have a comparatively warmer condition between April and August while an opposite trend is witnessed in Sydney where the first two and last two months of the year have a higher temperature. As the illustration suggests, the temperature in Sydney in roughly 25-degree centigrade in January which is the warmest month of the year there. At that time, the temperature in Dubai is just below 20-degrees, which is the coldest month of the year in this city. With 5-degree centigrade, Paris at that time behold the coldest month of the year. The temperature in Sydney remains above 20-degree till mid-March and then it keeps falling till July when it has nearly 13 centigrade temperature, the coolest. Through the rest of the year, the temperature there steadily increases before reaching 23-degree in December. Conversely, Paris’s temperature remains below 20-degrees throughout the year except in July and August. Paris seems like the coldest city among the three. Finally, the temperature in Dubai reaches as high as 36-degree centigrade in August and this city has a warmer condition from April to October.
The average monthly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
of three
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cities
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Paris, Dubai and Sydney, is
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given
in the bar graph and the data compares how the
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temperature
in these
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cities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
throughout the
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year
. The
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temperature
is measured
in Celsius.
Overall
, Dubai and Paris have a
comparatively
warmer condition between April and August while an opposite trend
is witnessed
in Sydney where the
first
two and last two
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months
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
have a higher temperature.

As the illustration suggests, the
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temperature
in Sydney in roughly
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25-degree
centigrade in January which is the warmest
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month
of the
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year
there. At that time, the
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temperature
in Dubai is
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just
below
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20-degrees
, which is the coldest
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month
of the
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year
in this city. With
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5-degree
centigrade, Paris at that time behold the coldest
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month
of the year.

The
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temperature
in Sydney remains above
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20-degree
till mid-March and then it
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keeps
falling till July when it has
nearly
13 centigrade
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temperature
, the coolest. Through the rest of the
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year
, the
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temperature
there
steadily
increases
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before
reaching
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23-degree
in December.
Conversely
, Paris’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
remains below
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20-degrees
throughout the
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year
except in July and August. Paris seems like the coldest city among the three.
Finally
, the
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temperature
in Dubai reaches as high as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
36-degree
centigrade in August and this city has a warmer condition from April to October.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS academic The line graph below shows the average monthly temperatures in three major cities. v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
221 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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