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The charts show the percentage of male and female students choosing science subjects in one university in 1992 and 2012 and the three most popular science subjects which they studied. v.2

The charts show the percentage of male and female students choosing science subjects in one university in 1992 and 2012 and the three most popular science subjects which they studied. v. 2
The bar charts gives information about the percentage of students who get tertiary education in science fields in two years, 1992 and 2012 and three subjects which are the most attractive. Overall, while the figure of male students had a decreasing trend from 1992 to 2012, that of female ones decreased in this period. Besides, most of students who studied at this university chose the biology in both years, 1992 and 2012, while the computer science was the lowest interested subject. In 1992, the number of male students accounted for approximately 45%, which was higher than that of female students, at exactly 25%. In the same year, biology was the subject which was most opted by students, at precisely 45%, which was higher than physics and computer science, at exactly 25% and 10%, respectively. Although the male students who chose science fields decreased from roughly 45% in 1992 to nearly 35% in 2012, the figure of male students still was higher than that of female ones, at about 32%. Students witnessed an increase of the number of students choosing this subjects from exactly 10% in 1992 to nearly 18% in 2012, the figure of this subject however was lower than those of the biology and physics, at roughly 31% and exactly 25%, respectively.
The bar charts
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gives
information about the percentage of
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students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tertiary education in
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science
fields in two years, 1992 and 2012 and three
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subjects
which are the most attractive.

Overall
, while the figure of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
had a decreasing trend from 1992 to 2012, that of female ones decreased in this period.
Besides
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who studied at this university chose the biology in both years, 1992 and 2012, while the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
was the lowest interested subject.

In 1992, the number of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
accounted for approximately 45%, which was higher than that of female
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students
, at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exactly
25%. In the same year, biology was the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
which was most opted by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, at
precisely
45%, which was higher than physics and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exactly
25% and 10%,
respectively
.

Although the male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who chose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
fields decreased from roughly 45% in 1992 to
nearly
35% in 2012, the figure of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
still
was higher than that of female ones, at about 32%.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
witnessed an increase of the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
choosing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exactly
10% in 1992 to
nearly
18% in 2012, the figure of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
however
was lower than those of the biology and physics, at roughly 31% and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exactly
25%,
respectively
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The charts show the percentage of male and female students choosing science subjects in one university in 1992 and 2012 and the three most popular science subjects which they studied. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
213 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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