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The two pie chart below shows the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010. v.2

The two pie chart below shows the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010. v. 2
The given pie charts illustrates the online sales record for retail sectors in Canada in two different years, 2005 and 2010. The retail sector for online shopping is categorized into four categories including electronics and appliance, food and beverages, home furnishing and video games. Overall, the greatest proportion of online retail sales was recorded for electronics and appliance in 2005 while the consumers demand for online food and beverage made to top in 2010. Food and beverage followed by video games, 18 percent, were among the sectors with positive impact on online retail reservations. The electronics and appliances was the lead e-shopping marketing sector with 35 percent share in total online marketing followed by home furnishing (25%), food and beverage (22%) and video games (18%). Contrastly, in 2010, the buyers preference to online booking shifted to food and beverages with a total share of 32% with a largest turnover of 10 percent since 2005. Similarly, the share of video games increased by 5 percent in the given five years period. The major downfall was experienced with home furnishing with a net shrink of 10 percent.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
sales record for
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retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
in Canada in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
years, 2005 and 2010. The
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retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
for
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online
shopping
is categorized
into four categories including electronics and appliance,
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food
and
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beverages
, home furnishing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
games.

Overall
, the greatest proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retail
sales
was recorded
for electronics and appliance in 2005 while the consumers demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beverage
made to top in 2010.
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Food
and
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beverage
followed by
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video
games, 18
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percent
, were among the
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sectors
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retail
reservations.

The electronics and appliances was the lead e-shopping marketing
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sector
with 35
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percent
share in total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
marketing followed by home furnishing (25%),
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
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beverage
(22%) and
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video
games (18%).

Possible spelling mistake found.
Contrastly
, in 2010, the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "buyers'" or "buyer's"?
buyers
preference to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
booking shifted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
beverages
with a total share of 32% with
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
largest turnover of 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
since 2005.
Similarly
, the share of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
games increased by 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
five years period. The major downfall
was experienced
with home furnishing with a net shrink of 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
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IELTS academic The two pie chart below shows the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
185 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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