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The pie chart below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.2

The pie chart below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013
The pie charts illustrate the shares of online sales in term of different retail sectors in New Zealand between two years 2003 and 2013. The general view is that books sector was always surpassed by travel and film/music in the amount of online shopping sales. To specify, in 2003, the biggest amount was occupied by travel with 36%, followed by clothes and film/music with 24% and 21% respectively. The opposite was witnessed in books sector, with the percentage was only 19%. On the contrary, in 2013, by the increase of the share from 21% to 33%, film/music had accounted for the largest amount in sales. While the rates of travel and clothes had declined to 29% and 16% respectively, the figure of books climbed from 19% to 22%, which was greater than clothes. Interestingly, only in the sector of film/music did we see the biggest change in the percentage of share with 12% increase. In conclusion, there was a quick movement of the market shares in the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand.
The pie charts illustrate the
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shares
of online sales in term of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
retail
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sectors
in New Zealand between two years 2003 and 2013. The general view is that books
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
was always surpassed by travel and film/music in the amount of online shopping sales.

To specify, in 2003, the biggest amount
was occupied
by travel with 36%, followed by clothes and film/music with 24% and 21%
respectively
. The opposite
was witnessed
in books
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sector
, with the percentage was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
19%.

On the contrary
, in 2013, by the increase of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
from 21% to 33%, film/music had accounted for the largest amount in sales. While the rates of travel and clothes had declined to 29% and 16%
respectively
, the figure of books climbed from 19% to 22%, which was greater than clothes.
Interestingly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
of film/music did we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the biggest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the percentage of
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share
with 12% increase.

In conclusion
, there was a quick movement of the market
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shares
in the online sales for retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
in New Zealand.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
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IELTS academic The pie chart below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
175 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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