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The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Australia in 2010 and 2015. v.1

The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Australia in 2010 and 2015. v. 1
The pie charts compare the online retail shopping trends in Australia in 2010 with that of 2015. Overall, electronic product, food and furniture comprised the highest percentage of online sales in Australia in both years. According to the illustration, 27% online retail sale in Australia in 2010 was made by electric appliances, which was followed by home furnishing and food & beverage commerce with exactly 22 and 21 percentage respectively. Video games purchased by Australian consumers comprised 19% of total online sales in this year. Finally, gift and book sales accounted 7% and 4% online retail sales consecutively in 2010. After half a decade, electric products’ sales increased by 5% and it comprised one-third of the total online sales in 2015. E-commerce of food & beverage items slightly increased while a nominal decrease could be observed in the trade ratio of furniture. Video games became less popular among Australian online consumers as its sale dropped below half while a surge could be noticed on the gift items' sale ratio. Books as an online retail product were sold more in percentage in 2015 than that of 2010.
The pie charts compare the
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online
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retail
shopping trends in Australia in 2010 with that of 2015.
Overall
, electronic product, food and furniture comprised the highest percentage of
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online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in Australia in both years.

According to the illustration, 27%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
in Australia in 2010
was made
by electric appliances, which
was followed
by home furnishing and food & beverage commerce with exactly 22 and 21 percentage
respectively
. Video games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
by Australian consumers comprised 19% of total
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online
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sales
in this year.
Finally
, gift and book
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sales
accounted 7% and 4%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
consecutively
in 2010.

After half a decade, electric products’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
increased by 5% and it comprised one-third of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in 2015. E-commerce of food & beverage items
slightly
increased while a nominal decrease could
be observed
in the trade ratio of furniture. Video games became less popular among Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
consumers as its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
dropped below half while a surge could
be noticed
on the gift items'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
ratio. Books as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retail
product
were sold
more in percentage in 2015 than that of 2010.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS academic The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Australia in 2010 and 2015. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
186 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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