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The two charts below compare the populations of France and India in the age distribution and gender in 1984. v.2

The two charts below compare the populations of France and India in the age distribution and gender in 1984. v. 2
The charts show that the population of India was younger than the population of France in 1984. And a larger proportion of people aged under 20 were witnessed in India at that time. France, on the other hand, had more elder citizens. In India, around 14 percent of people were aged 5 or under and this is the largest proportion of all. The proportion of the population became increasingly smaller when the age grew. France’s population, by contrast, was more distributed across the age ranges, with similar figures (close to 7% to 8% of all people) for each five-year between the age of 0 and 40. In France, about 10% and 15% proportion of people were aged 70 or older, while the figure for India was only 2%. From gender, a noticeably higher proportion was easy to see in chart for French women who age 50 or higher. But in India, no significant gender differences can be seen on population chart.
The charts
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show
that the
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population
of India was younger than the
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population
of France in 1984. And a larger
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proportion
of
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people
aged under 20
were witnessed
in India at that time. France,
on the other hand
, had
Use only "elder" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more elder
citizens.

In India, around 14 percent of
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people
were aged
5 or under and this is the largest
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proportion
of all. The
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proportion
of the
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population
became
increasingly
smaller when the
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age
grew. France’s
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population
, by contrast, was more distributed across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
ranges, with similar figures (close to 7% to 8% of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people)
for each five-year between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 0 and 40. In France, about 10% and 15%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were aged
70 or older, while the figure for India was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2%.

From gender, a
noticeably
higher
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proportion
was easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in chart for French women who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
50 or higher.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in India, no significant gender differences can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on
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population
chart.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The two charts below compare the populations of France and India in the age distribution and gender in 1984. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
161 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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