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The pie charts below show the coffee production, coffee consumption and the profit distribution around the world. v.1

The pie charts below show the coffee production, coffee consumption and the profit distribution around the world. v. 1
The pie charts correlate global coffee consumptions, coffee production in four countries as well as profit distributions among business segments related to coffee. It is obvious that Europeans and Americans are the primary coffee consumers while South Africa is the largest coffee producer among the given countries. Moreover, companies that deliver coffee make more profit than other organisations that do business in this industry. According to the illustration, Europeans drink more than 40% coffee which is the highest ratio of coffee intake in the world. America consumes 2% less than that while Japanese dissipate only 8% of global coffee. Rest of the world merely consumes 12% coffee. South Africa contributes to 44% coffee production which is the highest. Indonesia harvests 22% coffee, exactly half of the South African coffee assembly. Japan and Vietnam make 18% and 16% coffee respectively. Interestingly, despite Japan’s being one of the top countries to produce coffee, its consumption ratio is comparatively lower. Finally, more than half of the profit from coffee is made by the delivery industries. Coffee retailers’ share of profit is roughly a quarter while coffee producers and exporters make 10% and 15% profits respectively.
The pie charts correlate global
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coffee
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consumptions
,
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coffee
production in four countries
as well
as
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profit
distributions among business segments related to
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coffee
. It is obvious that Europeans and Americans are the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
consumers while South Africa is the largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
producer among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
countries.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that deliver
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coffee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more
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profit
than other
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
that do business in this industry.

According to the illustration, Europeans drink more than 40%
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coffee
which is the highest ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
intake in the world. America consumes 2% less than that while Japanese dissipate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
8% of global
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coffee
. Rest of the world
merely
consumes 12% coffee.

South Africa contributes to 44%
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coffee
production which is the highest. Indonesia harvests 22%
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coffee
, exactly half of the South African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
assembly. Japan and Vietnam
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
18% and 16%
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coffee
respectively
.
Interestingly
, despite Japan’s being one of the top countries to produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
, its consumption ratio is
comparatively
lower.

Finally
, more than half of the
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profit
from
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coffee
is made
by the delivery industries.
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Coffee
retailers’ share of
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profit
is roughly a quarter while
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coffee
producers and exporters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
10% and 15%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
respectively
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The pie charts below show the coffee production, coffee consumption and the profit distribution around the world. v. 1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
192 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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