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The pie charts below show the coffee production, coffee consumption and the profit distribution around the world. v.2

The pie charts below show the coffee production, coffee consumption and the profit distribution around the world. v. 2
The three pie charts give information about global coffee production, consumption and profit from numerous coffee-related businesses. Overall, Europeans and Americans drink the highest amount of coffee while South Africa is the biggest producer. Additionally, the coffee delivery service is the most profitable business among those compared. To begin with, citizens of Europe and America consume coffee four times as much as the rest of the world. Japan, whose production accounts for 18% internationally, only consume a mere 8% of global coffee. It is worth noticing that South Africa produces 44% of the coffee (more than anywhere else), which is exactly double than the coffee production in Indonesia - the country that makes the second-largest coffee. Along with South Africa, Indonesia and Japan, Vietnam also harvests coffee and the amount is 16%. Regarding profit distribution, it can be seen that more than half of it goes to the coffee delivery industry. Retailers get approximately a quarter while the figure for coffee producers' profit is only 15 per cent. The remaining 10 per cent is what exporters receive.
The three pie charts give information about global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
production, consumption and profit from numerous coffee-related businesses.

Overall
, Europeans and Americans drink the highest amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
while South Africa is the biggest producer.
Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
delivery service is the most profitable business among those compared.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, citizens of Europe and America consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
four times as much as the rest of the world. Japan, whose production accounts for 18%
internationally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
consume a mere 8% of global coffee.

It is worth noticing that South Africa produces 44% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
(more than anywhere else), which is exactly double than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
production in Indonesia
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
the country that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the second-largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
. Along with South Africa, Indonesia and Japan, Vietnam
also
harvests
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coffee
and the amount is 16%.

Regarding profit distribution, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that more than half of it goes to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
delivery industry. Retailers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
approximately a quarter while the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
producers' profit is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15 per cent. The remaining 10 per cent is what exporters receive.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS academic The pie charts below show the coffee production, coffee consumption and the profit distribution around the world. v. 2

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
177 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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