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The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, Divided into three categories, from 1995-2002. v.7

The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, Divided into three categories, from 1995-2002. v. 7
The bar graph shows three telephone call categories around 1995-2002 in the UK and the total number of minutes (in billion) which the categories are “local-fixed line”, national and international fixed line”, and “mobile (all calls). According to the graph local-fixed line becomes the most popular telephone category, even though it’s fluctuated after reach the highest number, which is 90 minutes in 1999. After reach that point, local – fixed line slightly decreased every year until the end of 2002. The starting point and the ending point are in the same total number of minutes, which is little bit above 70. Contradicting with local-fixed line, National and International – fixed line and mobiles constantly increase each years. Compare the both of them, mobile magnificently increase than the national and international – fixed line. It can be seen by the total number of minutes of mobile in the beginning of 1995 which no more than 5 minutes, but in the end in 2002, approximately 50 minutes in a year. It is increase 1000% or ten times compare with the beginning. Around 1995 until 2002, the increation of the total number of minutes of national and international is stable. Little bit below 40 minutes at 1995 and step by step increase each year until up to 60 minutes in 2002, in average 2-3 minutes of increation on a single year. Some thing interest come from the chart is the gap between local-fixed line and mobile. Seventy minutes gap in 1995 but in 2002 the gap is just around 30 minutes. In the future, we can predict the popularity of mobile will beat local-fixed line.
The bar graph
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shows
three telephone call categories around 1995-2002 in the UK and the
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total
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number
of minutes (in
Use "a billion" or use a number before 'billion'.
billion
) which the categories are “local-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
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line”
,
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national
and
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international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
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line”
, and “mobile (all calls).

According to the graph local-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
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line
becomes the most popular telephone category,
even though
it’s fluctuated after reach the highest
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number
, which is 90 minutes in 1999. After reach that point, local
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–
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fixed
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line
slightly
decreased every
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year
until the
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end
of 2002. The starting point and the ending point are in the same
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total
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number
of minutes, which is
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
above 70.

Contradicting with local-
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fixed
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line
,
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National
and
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International
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
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fixed
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line
and mobiles
constantly
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increase
each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "year"?
years
. Compare the both of them, mobile
magnificently
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increase
than the
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national
and
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international
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
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fixed
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line
. It can be
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seen
by the
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total
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number
of minutes of mobile in the beginning of 1995 which no more than 5 minutes,
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but
in the
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end
in 2002, approximately 50 minutes in a
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year
. It is
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increase
1000% or ten times compare with the beginning.

Around 1995 until 2002, the
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increation
of the
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total
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number
of minutes of
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national
and
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international
is stable.
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
Little bit
below 40 minutes at 1995 and step by step
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increase
each
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year
until up to 60 minutes in 2002, in average 2-3 minutes of
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increation
on a single year.

Did you mean "Something"?
Some thing
interest
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come
from the chart is the gap between local-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
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line
and mobile. Seventy minutes gap in 1995
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but
in 2002 the gap is
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just
around 30 minutes. In the future, we can predict the popularity of mobile will beat local-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
line
.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, Divided into three categories, from 1995-2002. v. 7

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
272 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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