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The total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002 v.2

The total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002 v. 2
The graph illustrates about the total amount of minutes of telephone calls in the UK along seven years from 1995 to 2002. There were three categories will be figured out specifically local, national and international fixed line, and mobile calls which are measured in billions. Overall, as can be seen that the most positive movement trend happened to be in mobiles calls over the seven years thoroughly. Regarding to the data, in 1995 initially, most of people was using the local fixed lines which was counted at 73 billions minutes. The trend was fluctuating along the seven years. Besides, it tend to remain due to its stability which still maintain the same level with the first year’s amount after the seven years shown markedly. Unlike with the case above, the most sharply increased call usage had to be in mobiles calls category which started from 4 billions at the beginning then it was increasing gradually about ten times higher in 2002 dramatically. It was followed by the national and international fixed lines which noted at 37 billions approximately and then reached a peak 60 billions at the end of the seven years incrementally.
The graph illustrates about the total amount of minutes of telephone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
in the UK along seven years from 1995 to 2002. There were three categories will
be figured
out
specifically
local, national and international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
line, and mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
which
are measured
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
.
Overall
, as can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
movement trend happened to be in mobiles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
over the seven years
thoroughly
.

The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
the data, in 1995
initially
, most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
was using the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
lines which
was counted
at 73
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
minutes. The trend was fluctuating along the seven years.
Besides
, it
Did you mean "tends"?
tend
to remain due to its stability which
still
maintain the same level with the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year’s
amount after the seven years shown
markedly
.

Unlike with the case above, the most
sharply
increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
call
usage had to be in mobiles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
category which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
at the beginning then it was increasing
gradually
about ten times higher in 2002
dramatically
. It
was followed
by the national and international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
lines which noted at 37
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
approximately and then reached a peak 60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billions
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the seven years
incrementally
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS academic The total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002 v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
193 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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