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the tables gives information on the temperatures and the hours of daylight in two particular cities in the same week in May 2007. v.2

the tables gives information on the temperatures and the hours of daylight in two particular cities in the same week in May 2007. v. 2
The tables compare the temperatures and the moments of both sunset and sunrise in Mumbai and Moscow during the same week of May 2007. Overall, in terms of the temperature, the figures of Mumbai were significantly higher than those of Moscow. However, the sunrise in Moscow was clearly earlier than that of its counterpart. The temperatures in Mumbai on Friday varied from 33 to 29, which were sharply higher than those of Moscow, from 5 to 8, respectively. While the figures in Mumbai were similar from Friday to Sunday, at 33 and 29, the residents in Moscow witnessed an increase in the temperature from 5-8 range on Friday to 9-13 on Sunday. In Mumbai, the hours of the sunrise were similar on the last three days of the week, at 6: 00, which was sorely later than that of Moscow, at 4: 15 and 4: 05 and 4: 10, respectively. In contrast, while the sunset in Mumbai fluctuated in the 19: 05–19: 15 range between Friday and Sunday, those of Moscow were considerably later and similar in the three days, at 22: 00.
The tables compare the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperatures
and the moments of both sunset and sunrise in Mumbai and Moscow during the same week of May 2007.

Overall
, in terms of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
, the figures of Mumbai were
significantly
higher than those of Moscow.
However
, the sunrise in Moscow was
clearly
earlier than that of its counterpart.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperatures
in Mumbai on Friday varied from 33 to 29, which were
sharply
higher than those of Moscow, from 5 to 8,
respectively
. While the figures in Mumbai were similar from Friday to Sunday, at 33 and 29, the residents in Moscow witnessed an increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
from 5-8 range on Friday to 9-13 on Sunday.

In Mumbai, the hours of the sunrise were similar on the last three days of the week, at 6: 00, which was
sorely
later than that of Moscow, at 4: 15 and 4: 05 and 4: 10,
respectively
.
In contrast
, while the sunset in Mumbai fluctuated in the 19: 05–19: 15 range between Friday and Sunday, those of Moscow were
considerably
later and similar in the three days, at 22: 00.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS academic the tables gives information on the temperatures and the hours of daylight in two particular cities in the same week in May 2007. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
183 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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