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The table gives information on the temperatures and the hours of daylight in two particular cities in the same week in May 2017. v.2

The table gives information on the temperatures and the hours of daylight in two particular cities in the same week in May 2017. v. 2
The table shows the temperatures and the time of sunrise and sunset in two different cities during 3 days of a week in May 2017. It is clear to see that average temperatures in Mumbai is higher than ones in Moscow. By contrast, the hours of daylight is longer in Moscow. In terms of temperatures, Mumbai is hotter than Moscow that the highest sunrise temperatures in Mumbai is 34 Celsius degree in Saturday. Friday and Sunday have same sunrise temperatures at 33 degree. And the sunset temperatures in this city do not decreased significantly which maintained at 29 degree in three days. On the other hand, there has a slight increase in sunrise temperatures of Moscow although they are mostly lower than ones in Mumbai. The sunrise temperatures went up from 8 in Friday to 13 degree in Sunday. While the sunset temperatures fluctuated in the period of time. The hours of daylight in Moscow are longer than ones in Mumbai. The reason is the sunrise time in Moscow is earlier, at about 4 a. m and the sunset time is 10 p. m, which is later than 7 p. m in Mumbai.
The table
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shows
the
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temperatures
and the time of sunrise and
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sunset
in two
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different
cities during 3 days of a week in May 2017.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to
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see
that average
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temperatures
in Mumbai is higher than
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ones
in Moscow. By contrast, the hours of daylight is longer in Moscow.

In terms of
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temperatures
, Mumbai is hotter than Moscow that the highest sunrise
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temperatures
in Mumbai is 34 Celsius
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degree
in Saturday. Friday and Sunday have same sunrise
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temperatures
at 33
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degree
. And the
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sunset
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temperatures
in this city do not decreased
significantly
which maintained at 29
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degree
in three days.
On the other hand
, there has a slight increase in sunrise
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temperatures
of Moscow although they are
mostly
lower than
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ones
in Mumbai. The sunrise
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temperatures
went up from 8 in Friday to 13
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degree
in Sunday.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
the
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sunset
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temperatures
fluctuated in the period of time.

The hours of daylight in Moscow are longer than
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ones
in Mumbai. The reason is the sunrise time in Moscow is earlier, at about 4 a. m and the
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sunset
time is 10 p. m, which is later than 7 p. m in Mumbai.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS academic The table gives information on the temperatures and the hours of daylight in two particular cities in the same week in May 2017. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
193 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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