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The pie chart below shows information about different types of pollutants entering in a particular area of ocean in 1997 and 2007 v.2

The pie chart below shows information about different types of pollutants entering in a particular area of ocean in 1997 and 2007 v. 2
this pie chart analysts proportions of different types of contaminants discharging in a specific area of ocean in 1997 and 2007. It is clear that in 1997, the amount of trash are in the majority and the figure of air pollution was the lowest. However, in 2007, most of pollutants are oil whereas the minority was agricultural runoff. In 1997, trash is the most popular type of contaminant, at 42% but the figure of trash dropped nearly threefold to 15% in 2007. Comparatively, there was only 15% of oil in this area in 1997 then there was a significant increase in the percentage of oil, at 52% and become the largest amount of pollutant at the same time. The figure of air pollution was only 3% and was the lowest rate in 1997. Meanwhile the data about sewage and agricultural runoff are 15% and 25% respectively. In 2007, the percentage of air pollution rose more than five times, at 15%. By contrast, both the figures of agricultural runoff and sewage decreased to 10% or below.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
pie chart analysts proportions of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of contaminants discharging in a specific area of ocean in 1997 and 2007.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that in 1997, the amount of trash are in the majority and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of air pollution was the lowest.
However
, in 2007,
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the pollutants") or simply say "most pollutants".
most of pollutants
are oil whereas the minority was agricultural runoff.

In 1997, trash is the most popular type of contaminant, at 42%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of trash dropped
nearly
threefold to 15% in 2007.
Comparatively
, there was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15% of oil in this area in 1997 then there was a significant increase in the percentage of oil, at 52% and become the largest amount of pollutant at the same time.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of air pollution was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3% and was the lowest rate in 1997.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
the data about sewage and agricultural runoff are 15% and 25%
respectively
. In 2007, the percentage of air pollution rose more than five times, at 15%. By contrast, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
of agricultural runoff and sewage decreased to 10% or below.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
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IELTS academic The pie chart below shows information about different types of pollutants entering in a particular area of ocean in 1997 and 2007 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
175 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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