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The table shows the results of survey in a European country which was carried out in three different years. It shows the percentages of people who said that they are interested in certain sports. v.2

The table shows the results of survey in a European country which was carried out in three different years. It shows the percentages of people who said that they are interested in certain sports. v. 2
The table compares the proportion of people enjoying certain sports in a range of seven distinctive sports in a European nation via a opinion poll conducted at five-years intervals from 1999 to 2009. It is clear from the shown table that of seven sports, football was by far the most alluring sport in all three years surveyed. While the rate of those responded who enjoyed ruby was much smallest in the first two years, goft attracted the least spectators in the final year surveyed. In 1999, around 60 per cent of those who took part in the survey enjoyed football, which was the highest percentage of people in comparison with other sports. This number decreased steadily by 10 per cent over the time period until it reached nearly a half in 2009. Similarly, the proportion of those polled who attracted by tennis matches also saw a gradual fall by 1 per cent each year surveyed from 26 per cent in 1999 to 24 percent in the final year. The figure for cycling, on the other hand, increased slightly by 2 per cent to 34 per cent in 2009. The upward trend also saw in the numbers for volleyball and rubby, where the figures was almost double after 10 years to 24 per cent and 17 per cent, respectively. The percentage of people questioned who are interested in golf also rised slightly from a tenth in the 1999 and 2005 to 13 per cent in the final year. Meanwhile, the number for swimming fluctuated, peaking at 20 per cent in 2004, then fell to just 18 per cent in 2009, which was almost the same as 1999.
The table compares the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoying certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in a range of seven distinctive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in a European nation via
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
opinion poll conducted at five-years intervals from 1999 to 2009.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the shown table that of seven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, football was by far the most alluring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in all three years surveyed. While the rate of those responded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
enjoyed ruby was much smallest in the
first
two years,
Possible spelling mistake found.
goft
attracted the least spectators in the final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
surveyed.

In 1999, around 60 per cent of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in the survey enjoyed football, which was the highest percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in comparison
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. This number decreased
steadily
by 10 per cent over the time period until it reached
nearly
a half in 2009.
Similarly
, the proportion of those polled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
attracted by tennis matches
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a gradual fall by 1 per cent each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
surveyed from 26 per cent in 1999 to 24 percent in the final year.

The figure for cycling,
on the other hand
, increased
slightly
by 2 per cent to 34 per cent in 2009. The upward trend
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
in the numbers for volleyball and
Possible spelling mistake found.
rubby
, where the figures
You should probably use: "were".
was
almost double after 10 years to 24 per cent and 17 per cent,
respectively
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
questioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are interested
in golf
also
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "rose", the past tense form of the verb 'rise'?
rised
slightly
from a tenth in the 1999 and 2005 to 13 per cent in the final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. Meanwhile, the number for swimming fluctuated, peaking at 20 per cent in 2004, then fell to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
18 per cent in 2009, which was almost the same as 1999.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS academic The table shows the results of survey in a European country which was carried out in three different years. It shows the percentages of people who said that they are interested in certain sports. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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