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The pie chart compares figures for visitors to four categories of tourist attraction and to five different theme parks in Britain in 1999. v.2

The pie chart compares figures for visitors to four categories of tourist attraction and to five different theme parks in Britain in 1999. v. 2
The pie chart gives data about the proportion of tourists to four types of tourist sights in Britain in 1999. Overall, a vast majority of visitors chose to visit theme parks and museums and galleries, while wildlife parks and zoos were the least atractive sites. In theme parks, Black and pleasure Beach seemed to atract the largest percentage of guests compared to others. Around 38 per cent tourists flock to theme parks and museums and galleries as their most favorite destinations. In theme parks, while blackpool pleasure beach attracted nearly a half of visitors, tourists to Alton towers and pleasureland, Souport made up only approximately 16 per cent of the total guests to theme parks. The figure for the remaining sites in theme parks, namely chessington world of adventures and legoland, windsor, was much lower, where they constituted for around 10 per cent of 38 per cent. On the other hand, the percentage of visitors to historic houses and monuments was a half of that of theme parks and museums and galleries, where they made up for about 16 per cent, while Wildlife parks and zoos attracted merely 9 per cent.
The pie chart gives data about the proportion of
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tourists
to four types of
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tourist
sights in Britain in 1999.

Overall
, a vast majority of visitors chose to visit
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theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and museums and galleries, while wildlife
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and zoos were the least
Possible spelling mistake found.
atractive
sites. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
, Black and pleasure Beach seemed to
Possible spelling mistake found.
atract
the largest percentage of guests compared to others.

Around 38 per cent
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tourists
flock to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and museums and galleries as their most favorite destinations. In
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theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
, while
Possible spelling mistake found.
blackpool
pleasure beach attracted
nearly
a half of visitors,
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tourists
to Alton towers and
Possible spelling mistake found.
pleasureland
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Souport
made up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
approximately 16 per cent of the total guests to
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theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
. The figure for the remaining sites in
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theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
,
namely
Possible spelling mistake found.
chessington
world of adventures and
Possible spelling mistake found.
legoland
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
windsor
, was much lower, where they constituted for around 10 per cent of 38 per cent.

On the other hand
, the percentage of visitors to historic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and monuments was a half of that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and museums and galleries, where they made up for about 16 per cent, while Wildlife
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and zoos attracted
merely
9 per cent.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS academic The pie chart compares figures for visitors to four categories of tourist attraction and to five different theme parks in Britain in 1999. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
191 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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