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The charts show the Australian school leavers did immediately after leaving secondary school. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.2

The charts show the Australian school leavers did immediately after leaving secondary school.
The pie charts illustrate what did school leavers do after graduating from secondary school in Australia from 1980 to 2000. It is clear from the given charts that there was a upward trend in the proportion of employed school leavers whilst the rate of schoolchildren chose to have further education decreased gradually throughout 20 years. In 1980, a half of Australian school leavers chose to continue their study after secondary graduation. This rate plummetted to just 38 per cent after a decade and remained relatively stable at 37 per cent 10 years later. In contrast, the percentage of pupils pursued a job right after leaving secondary school increased steadily over the shown period, from 40 per cent in the initial stage to over a half after 2 decades. The figure for those who have no job after graduating from secondary school, however, saw a minor fluctuation when this rate rose by 2 per cent to 12 per cent from 1980 to 1990, followed by a decrease to 8 per cent in 2000.
The pie charts illustrate what did
school leavers
do after graduating from
secondary
school
in Australia from 1980 to 2000.

It is
clear
from the
given
charts that there was
a
upward trend in the proportion of employed
school leavers
whilst the rate of schoolchildren chose to have
further
education decreased
gradually
throughout 20 years.

In 1980, a half of Australian
school leavers
chose to continue their study after
secondary
graduation. This rate
plummetted
to
just
38 per cent after a decade and remained
relatively
stable at 37 per cent 10 years later.

In contrast
, the percentage of pupils pursued a job right after leaving
secondary
school
increased
steadily
over the shown period, from 40 per cent in the initial stage to over a half after 2 decades.

The figure for those who have no job after graduating from
secondary
school
,
however
,
saw
a minor fluctuation when this rate rose by 2 per cent to 12 per cent from 1980 to 1990, followed by a decrease to 8 per cent in 2000.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS academic The charts show the Australian school leavers did immediately after leaving secondary school.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
172 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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