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The line graph shows the average temperature during the hottest part of the day Australia in 2007 v.2

The line graph shows the average temperature during the hottest part of the day Australia in 2007 v. 2
The line graph illustrates changes of median temperature during hottest day of different seasons in 2007 in 5 cities in Australia. Overall, it is clear to say that, temperature in these cities in Australia ranged from about 15 degrees Celsius to approximately 34 degrees at the average and those figures are measures in hottest days in year. Darwin is the most scorching city which the highest temperature in summer reached the peak of 34 degrees. And this city also was notable that the fall in temperature between summer and autumn was only one degree, which was the smallest change in temperature between seasons of any cities that year. Cairns and Perth were the next warmest cities shown, although Perth has colder winter than Cairns, with the lowest temperature fell to 19 degrees. Sydney and Adelaide had similar temperatures in summer and autumn, but the figures of Adelaide fell below Sydney to become the coldest place in 5 cities illustrated, at 15 degrees Celsius. Sydney, Adelaide and Perth had almost same temperature in spring.
The line graph illustrates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of median
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temperature
during
A determiner is probably missing here: "the hottest".
hottest
day of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
seasons in 2007 in 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in Australia.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to say that,
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temperature
in these
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cities
in Australia ranged from about 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
Celsius to approximately 34
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
at the average and those figures are measures in
A determiner is probably missing here: "the hottest".
hottest
days in year.

Darwin is the most scorching city which the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
in summer reached the peak of 34
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
. And this city
also
was notable that the fall in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
between summer and autumn was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
, which was the smallest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
between seasons of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
that year. Cairns and Perth were the
next
warmest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
shown, although Perth has colder winter than Cairns, with the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
fell to 19 degrees.

Sydney and Adelaide had similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperatures
in summer and autumn,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the figures of Adelaide fell below Sydney to become the coldest place in 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
illustrated, at 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
Celsius. Sydney, Adelaide and Perth had almost same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
in spring.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS academic The line graph shows the average temperature during the hottest part of the day Australia in 2007 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
173 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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