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The table below gives information about student enrolements at Manchester university in 1937, 1967 and 2017. v.2

The table below gives information about student enrolements at Manchester university in 1937, 1967 and 2017. v. 2
The information about pupils enrolement at Menchester university in three 1937, 1967 and 2017 has been depicted by given table. One glance is enough to make it clear that maximum percenthum of students had came from other countries however proportion of people who got admission in university had increased from first year to last. It is clear that in the year of 1937, 327 students were studied in university with 45% of girls and 55% boys and over a half percentage of people came from under 40 miles while only 6% of students were came from 4 countries. From1967 to 2017, there was a big increase in the proportion of students with 1133 and 6254 respectively. however in 1967 percentage of boys was higher than girls but in 2017 girls percenthum was witnessed at 55%. and it is noticeabled that only 1-2% pupils were came from under 40miles because majority of people belongs to other countries(32%).
The information about pupils
Possible spelling mistake found.
enrolement
at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Menchester
university in three 1937, 1967 and 2017 has
been depicted
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
table.

One glance is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that maximum
Possible spelling mistake found.
percenthum
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
had
Use past participle here: "come".
came
from other countries
however
proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
admission in university had increased from
first
year to last.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that in the year of 1937, 327
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were studied
in university with 45% of girls and 55% boys and over a half percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
came
from under
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
40 miles
while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
6% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were
Consider using a past participle here: "come".
came
from 4 countries.

From1967 to 2017, there was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
increase in the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with 1133 and 6254
respectively
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
however
in 1967 percentage of boys was higher than girls
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2017 girls
Possible spelling mistake found.
percenthum
was witnessed
at 55%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
noticeabled
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1-2% pupils were
Consider using a past participle here: "come".
came
from under
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
40miles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
belongs to other countries(32%).
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS academic The table below gives information about student enrolements at Manchester university in 1937, 1967 and 2017. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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