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the table described the changed of people who went for international travel in 1990, 2000 and 2005. v.2

the table described the changed of people who went for international travel in 1990, 2000 and 2005. v. 2
The table demonstrated the changes in the number of people traveled abroad between 1990 to 2005. In the first year, it can be seen from the diagram that the European were the most enjoy traveling people among other cohorts, came top with 280. 2 million one which far more than other areas. Meanwhile, Americans and people from Asia and the Pacific region took up the far second and the third place respectively. Besides, the African followed by 18. 2 million people which were a double for the one in middle east areas. As we can easily notice that the number of Europe constantly increased and always more than the number of other areas, ended up with 400 million. The figure for the rest areas except America both showed the same trend with Europe’s, while American figure went through a slight diminish in the last five years though it increased in the first decade. Therefore, the rank of America had fallen to the third place and was exceeded by Asia and the Pacific. In brief, the total number of people who traveled globally significantly increased, from 448. 9 million to 693. 7 million.
The table demonstrated the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
traveled abroad
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1990 and 2005".
between 1990 to 2005
.

In the
first
year, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the diagram that the European were the most enjoy traveling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
among other cohorts, came top with 280. 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
one which far more than other areas. Meanwhile, Americans and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from Asia and the Pacific region took up the far second and the third place
respectively
.
Besides
, the African followed by 18. 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which were a double for the one in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
middle east
areas.

As we can
easily
notice that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of Europe
constantly
increased and always more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of other areas, ended up with 400
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
. The figure for the rest areas except America both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the same trend with Europe’s, while American figure went through a slight diminish in the last five years though it increased in the
first
decade.
Therefore
, the rank of America had fallen to the third place and
was exceeded
by Asia and the Pacific.

In brief
, the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who traveled globally
significantly
increased, from 448. 9
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
to 693. 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS academic the table described the changed of people who went for international travel in 1990, 2000 and 2005. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
192 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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