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The bar graph below show the numbers of university students who chose Italian as their primary subject from 1960 to 2000. v.1

The bar graph below show the numbers of university students who chose Italian as their primary subject from 1960 to 2000. v. 1
The bar graph displays the amount of university students whose primary subject was Italian in Spain, Germany and France between 1960 and 2000. Overall, the number of university students in Spain enrolled to Italian as primary subject decreased dramatically over the period, while the figure increased in Germany, and in France there were wild fluctuations. From the start of the period, there were approximately 430, 000 university students who took Italian as their primary subject, but the number dropped continuously to reach a low of 150, 000 in 2000. Germany' s figure began as the lowest overall at around 20, 000 in 1960 and rose steadily to become the highest number with almost 330, 000 in the last year. With regard to France, the figure started at 500, 000 in 1960 and went up slightly by around 30, 000 after a decade. Then, the number had a steep drop to 100, 000 before increasing again to roughly 130, 000 in the final year.
The bar graph displays the amount of university students whose primary subject was Italian in Spain, Germany and France between 1960 and 2000.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of university students in Spain enrolled to Italian as primary subject decreased
dramatically
over the period, while the figure increased in Germany, and in France there were wild fluctuations.

From the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of the period, there were approximately 430, 000 university students who took Italian as their primary subject,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
dropped
continuously
to reach a low of 150, 000 in 2000.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Germany&
#039; s figure began as the lowest
overall
at around 20, 000 in 1960 and rose
steadily
to become the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
with almost 330, 000 in the last year.

With regard to France, the figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at 500, 000 in 1960 and went up
slightly
by around 30, 000 after a decade. Then, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
had a steep drop to 100, 000
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
increasing again to roughly 130, 000 in the final year.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS academic The bar graph below show the numbers of university students who chose Italian as their primary subject from 1960 to 2000. v. 1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
163 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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