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The chart below displays the shares of expenditure on selected categories in the United States, Canada, the UK and Japan in 2009. v.2

The chart below displays the shares of expenditure on selected categories in the United States, Canada, the UK and Japan in 2009. v. 2
The bar graph shows the percentage of money spent on food, housing, transportation, health care and clothing in four different countries in 2009. Overall, all countries spent the highest percentage on housing except for Japan who spent the most on food. While Canada and the UK were shown to spend less on health care, America' s smallest expenditure was on clothing and Japan' s lowest percentage was evenly split between both of these categories. The USA spent the highest proportion of money on housing at just over a quarter, likewise, for Canada and the UK at approximately 20% and just under 25% respectively. Japan allocated the highest percentage of expenditure on food at roughly 23% compared to other countries. With regard to transportation, Canada' s expenditure was a fifth, which was the biggest overall. Both Canadians and British spent the least on health care at nearly 4% and roughly 1% respectively, and in the United States of America, it was attributed to clothing at about 5%. Japanese smallest proportion of expenditure was equally spent on both of these items at around 5%.
The bar graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
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percentage
of money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on food, housing, transportation, health care and clothing in four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries in 2009.

Overall
, all countries
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spent
the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
on housing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
Japan who
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spent
the most on food. While Canada and the UK
were shown
to spend less on health care,
Possible spelling mistake found.
America&
#039; s smallest
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expenditure
was on clothing and
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Japan&
#039; s lowest
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percentage
was
evenly
split between both of these categories.

The USA
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spent
the highest proportion of money on housing at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over a quarter,
likewise
, for Canada and the UK at approximately 20% and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 25%
respectively
. Japan allocated the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
on food at roughly 23% compared to other countries. With regard to transportation,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Canada&
#039; s
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expenditure
was a fifth, which was the biggest
overall
.

Both Canadians and British
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spent
the least on health care at
nearly
4% and roughly 1%
respectively
, and in the United States of America, it
was attributed
to clothing at about 5%. Japanese smallest proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
was
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on both of these items at around 5%.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS academic The chart below displays the shares of expenditure on selected categories in the United States, Canada, the UK and Japan in 2009. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
182 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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