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The table below shows the worldwide market share of the notebook computer market for manufacturers in the years 2006, 2007 and 2014. v.1

The table below shows the worldwide market share of the notebook computer market for manufacturers in the years 2006, 2007 and 2014. v. 1
The table compares the percentages of market share by different laptop brands in three different years – 2006, 2007 and 2014. A glance at the graph reveals that HP was the leading notebook manufacturer in these years. As can be seen in the table, HP had the largest market share of laptops in 2006 and it retained the top position in 2007 and 2014 as well with around one-third of the total market. Dell secured the second position with 16. 6% market share in 2006 and enjoyed a 10% increase in 2014. Samsung had only 11. 6% share of laptop market in 2006 but this brand managed to capture over 14% global market share in 8 years. All the top three brands of laptop manufacturing had been able to increase their market share except Samsung in 2007. Toshiba and Lenovo had around 6 percent notebook market share in 2006 and in 8 years their market share increased slightly. The lowest market share was possessed by Fujitsu in 2006 and after 8 years its market share slightly declined and reached to 3. 1%. All other brands captured a significant market share in 2006 (22. 8%) but only 7. 11% in 2014.
The table compares the percentages of
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market
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share
by
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different
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laptop
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brands
in three
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different
years
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
2006, 2007 and 2014. A glance at the graph reveals that HP was the leading notebook manufacturer in these years.

As can be
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seen
in the table, HP had the largest
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market
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share
of
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laptops
in 2006 and it retained the top position in 2007 and 2014
as well
with around one-third of the total
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market
. Dell secured the second position with 16. 6%
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market
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share
in 2006 and enjoyed a 10% increase in 2014. Samsung had
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only
11. 6%
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share
of
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laptop
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market
in 2006
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but
this
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brand
managed to capture over 14% global
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market
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share
in 8 years. All the top three
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brands
of
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laptop
manufacturing had been able to increase their
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market
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share
except Samsung in 2007. Toshiba and Lenovo had around 6 percent notebook
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market
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share
in 2006 and in 8 years their
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market
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share
increased
slightly
. The lowest
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market
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share
was possessed
by Fujitsu in 2006 and after 8 years its
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market
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share
slightly
declined and reached to 3. 1%. All other
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brands
captured a significant
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market
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share
in 2006 (22. 8%)
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but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
7. 11% in 2014.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The table below shows the worldwide market share of the notebook computer market for manufacturers in the years 2006, 2007 and 2014. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
200 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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