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The table shows the worldwide market share of mobile phone manufacturers in the years 2005 and 2006. v.1

The table shows the worldwide market share of mobile phone manufacturers in the years 2005 and 2006. v. 1
The table data shows the leading mobile phone manufacturers’ global market share in 2005 and 2006. Generally speaking, Nokia had the highest global market share of cell phone both in 2005 & 2006 and the market shares of Nokia, Motorola and Sony Ericsson increased in 2006 than their share in 2005. As is presented, Nokia had the largest market share (one-third of total) in 2005 and their market share increased by 2. 5% next year. Motorola had the second highest market share comprising over 17% in 2005 and their market share increase by roughly 4%. Samsung had been able to maintain the third position for their worldwide mobile phone market share, though their share decreased to 11. 8% in 2005 compared to 12. 7% in the previous year. On the other hand, Sony Ericsson and L. G both had more than 6% market share in 2005. In 2006, though Sony Ericsson’s market share increased by 1%, L. G’s market share decreased. BenQ Mobile had the lowest market share in the cell phone market and their share dropped to half in 2006 than the previous year. All other mobile manufacturers’ market share comprised over 19% in 2005 and that reduced to slightly over 16% as Nokia, Motorola and Sony Ericsson had been able to secure more market share worldwide.
The table data
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shows
the leading mobile
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phone
manufacturers’ global
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market
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share
in 2005 and 2006.
Generally
speaking, Nokia had the highest global
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market
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share
of cell
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phone
both in 2005 & 2006 and the
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market
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shares
of Nokia, Motorola and Sony Ericsson increased in 2006 than their
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share
in 2005.

As
is presented
, Nokia had the largest
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market
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share
(one-third of total) in 2005 and their
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market
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share
increased by 2. 5%
next
year. Motorola had the second highest
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market
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share
comprising over 17% in 2005 and their
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market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
increase by roughly 4%. Samsung had been able to maintain the third position for their worldwide mobile
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phone
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market
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share
, though their
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share
decreased to 11. 8% in 2005 compared to 12. 7% in the previous year.

On the other hand
, Sony Ericsson and L. G both had more than 6%
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market
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share
in 2005. In 2006, though Sony Ericsson’s
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market
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share
increased by 1%, L. G’s
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market
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share
decreased.
Possible spelling mistake found.
BenQ
Mobile had the lowest
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market
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share
in the cell
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phone
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market
and their
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share
dropped to half in 2006 than the previous year. All other mobile manufacturers’
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market
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share
comprised over 19% in 2005 and that
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reduced
to
slightly
over 16% as Nokia, Motorola and Sony Ericsson had been able to secure more
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market
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share
worldwide.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The table shows the worldwide market share of mobile phone manufacturers in the years 2005 and 2006. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
218 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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