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The pie charts below compare water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world. v.1

The pie charts below compare water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world. v. 1
The pie charts show a comparison of water consumptions in domestic, industrial and agricultural sectors in San Diego, California with the rest of the world. Overall, global agricultural water consumption is far higher than that of industrial and household usages but in San Diego and California residential usages of water are noticeably higher. Getting back to the details, the global residential water consumption is only 8% which is remarkably lower than that of domestic water usages in Sand Diego and California. Residential water usages in San Diego is 60% which is around 20% higher than that of California. Furthermore, just below one-fourth of water is used for industrial need worldwide which is exactly the same ratio of San Diego’s industrial water use. On the contrary, California’s industrial water requirement is 33%, 10 percent higher than the global needs. Finally, global water consumption for farming is approximately 70% which is significantly higher than the use of water in San Diego and Califonia for the same purpose. Only 17% and 28% water is used for the cultivation purpose in San Diego and Califonia respectively.
The pie charts
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show
a comparison of
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water
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consumptions
in domestic,
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industrial
and agricultural sectors in San Diego, California with the rest of the world.
Overall
,
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global
agricultural
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water
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consumption
is far higher than that of
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industrial
and household
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usages
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but
in San Diego and California residential
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usages
of
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water
are
noticeably
higher.

Getting back to the
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details
, the
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global
residential
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water
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consumption
is
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only
8% which is
remarkably
lower than that of domestic
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water
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usages
in Sand Diego and California. Residential
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water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usages
in San Diego is 60% which is around 20% higher than that of California.
Furthermore
,
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just
below one-fourth of
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water
is
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used
for
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industrial
need worldwide which is exactly the same ratio of San Diego’s
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industrial
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water
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use
.
On the contrary
, California’s
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industrial
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water
requirement is 33%, 10 percent higher than the
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global
needs.
Finally
,
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global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
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consumption
for farming is approximately 70% which is
significantly
higher than the
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use
of
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water
in San Diego and
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Califonia
for the same purpose.
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Only
17% and 28%
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water
is
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used
for the cultivation purpose in San Diego and
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Califonia
respectively
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
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IELTS academic The pie charts below compare water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
182 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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