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The table below shows the numbers of same day and overnight stays in public and private hospitals in 5 Australlan for last year The ple chart below shows percentages of same day and overnight stays in public and private hospitals in the same 5 Australlan v.2

The table below shows the numbers of same day and overnight stays in public and private hospitals in 5 Australlan for last year The ple chart below shows percentages of same day and overnight stays in public and private hospitals in the same 5 Australlan v. 2
The table provides us with the information on the number of whole day stay in a government and privately owned hospitals in different states of australia for past year and the pie chart illustrates the same sets of information, but represented in percentages. Overall, public hospitals had the highest number of stays, with private hospitals being the least. On pie chart public same day and over night stay make up more than half of both the stays in the past year. From the table, highest number of stays was recorded in public general hospital, followed by private general hospitals. Whereas, the least number of stays was recorded in public and private psychiatric respectively. New south wales has the maximum number of patient stay a total of 8323 stays and South Australia has the least number of stay with 2209 stays. Pie chart shows, public same day and overnight stay was two third of the total percentage. Private same day stay made a little more than a quarter and overnight stay had the lowest of 14%. By making public hospitals stay the maximum in the last year.
The table provides us with the information on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of whole day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
privately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
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hospitals
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
states of
Possible spelling mistake found.
australia
for past year and the pie chart illustrates the same sets of information,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
represented in percentages.

Overall
,
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public
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hospitals
had the highest
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number
of
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stays
, with
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private
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hospitals
being the least. On pie chart
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public
same day and
Did you mean the adjective or adverb "overnight" (i.e., for or during the entire night)?
over night
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stay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up more than half of both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stays
in the past year.

From the table,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
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number
of
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stays
was recorded
in
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public
general
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hospital
, followed by
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private
general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
. Whereas, the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stays
was recorded
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
psychiatric
respectively
.
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
New south wales
has the maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of patient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
a total of 8323
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stays
and South Australia has the least
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number
of
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stay
with 2209 stays.

Pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
,
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public
same day and overnight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
was two third of the total percentage.
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Private
same day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
made a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
more than a quarter and overnight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
had the lowest of 14%. By making
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public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
the maximum in the
‘last year’ indicates a finished event of the past. Please check the predicate's tense.
last year
.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
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IELTS academic The table below shows the numbers of same day and overnight stays in public and private hospitals in 5 Australlan for last year The ple chart below shows percentages of same day and overnight stays in public and private hospitals in the same 5 Australlan v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
186 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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