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The table below shows the figures (in thousand) for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980. v.4

The table below shows the figures (in thousand) for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980. v. 4
The bar chart gives information about how the imprisonment statistics changed in five different countries from 1930 to 1980. Overall, it is evident that the number of prisoners in Great Britain increased significantly during these period while these figures for other countries fluctuated. In 1930, Great Britain had the fewest number of prisoners, at 30. 000 whereas Canada had the higest figure of offenders, at 120. 000. These figures for New Zealand and United Nation were exactly the same, at 100. 000 which was higher than the figure of Australia (only 70. 000). In the following years, Great Britain witnessed a consistent increase in the number of prisoners and this figure reached a peak of more than 80. 000 in 1980. Whereas, the figures for other countries saw fluctuations. For example, the number of criminals in Australia decreased from 70. 000 to 40. 000 in 1950 an then rose up again in the next 30 years. In Canada, the number of prisoners reached a peak of 130. 000 in 1940 and then fluctuated while this figure for United Nation fluctuated during the observed time. At the end of the period, in 1980, United Nation was the nation having the highest number of criminals, at approximately 140. 000, followed by Canada, New Zealand and Great Britain, where had around 80. 000 offenders each. The number of prisoners in Australia was only 50. 000 which was the lowest among all countries.
The bar chart gives information about how the imprisonment statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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countries
from 1930 to 1980.

Overall
, it is evident that the
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number
of
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prisoners
in
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Great
Britain increased
significantly
during these period while these
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figures
for other
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countries
fluctuated.

In 1930,
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Great
Britain had the fewest
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number
of
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prisoners
, at 30. 000 whereas Canada had the
Possible spelling mistake found.
higest
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figure
of offenders, at 120. 000. These
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figures
for New Zealand and United
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Nation
were exactly the same, at 100. 000 which was higher than the
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figure
of Australia (
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
70. 000). In the following years,
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Great
Britain witnessed a consistent increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
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prisoners
and this
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figure
reached a peak of more than 80. 000 in 1980. Whereas, the
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figures
for other
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countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
fluctuations.
For example
, the
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number
of criminals in Australia decreased from 70. 000 to 40. 000 in 1950
Possible typo. Did you mean "and then"?
an then
rose up again in the
next
30 years. In Canada, the
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
reached a peak of 130. 000 in 1940 and then fluctuated while this
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figure
for United
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Nation
fluctuated during the observed time.

At the
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end
of the period, in 1980, United
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Nation
was the
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nation
having the highest
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number
of criminals, at approximately 140. 000, followed by Canada, New Zealand and
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Great
Britain, where had around 80. 000 offenders each. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
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prisoners
in Australia was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
50. 000 which was the lowest among all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The table below shows the figures (in thousand) for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980. v. 4

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
239 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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