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The table below shows the figures (in thousand) for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980. v.1

The table below shows the figures (in thousand) for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980. v. 1
The bar graph shows the number of detainees in five countries - Britain, Australia, New Zealand, US and Canada between 1930 and 1980. Overall, Canada had the highest number of prisoners in 1930 while Great Britain had the least, but after 50 years, the number of prisoners decreased in Canada and the United States had the highest prisoners. Initially, in 1930, Canada had 120 thousand prisoners and that was the highest number of inmates among the five countries. There were 100 thousand prisoners both in the US and New Zealand. Again, Australia had around 70 thousand prisoners and Great Britain had only 30 thousand prisoners and that was the lowest. After a decade, prisoners’ number in Britain remained almost the same while the number decreased in Australia, New Zealand and Canada. But this year the total number of prisoners increased in the US by 30 thousand and reached to 130 thousand. In 1950, the prisoners’ number increased in Britain and slightly decreased in Australia and New Zealand. On the other hand, the prisoner in Canada increased and got highest among the five countries and decreased in the US. A similar trend in terms of prisoner numbers in these countries could be observed after a decade. Finally, in 1980, the prisoners’ number in these countries increased except in Australia. The US had the highest number of prisoners in this year and Great Britain, Canada and New Zealand had more than 80 thousand prisoners in this year. In summary, over the 50 years period, the crime and imprisonment number got worse in US and Britain while Australia, Canada and New Zealand did some progress. In 1980, Australia had the least number of prisoners which indicate their improvement in law and order.
The bar graph
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shows
the
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number
of detainees in five
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countries
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Britain, Australia,
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New
Zealand, US and Canada between 1930 and 1980.
Overall
, Canada had the highest
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number
of
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prisoners
in 1930 while Great Britain had the least,
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but
after 50 years, the
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number
of
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prisoners
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decreased
in Canada and the United States had the highest prisoners.

Initially
, in 1930, Canada had 120 thousand
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prisoners
and that was the highest
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number
of inmates among the five
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countries
. There were 100 thousand
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prisoners
both in the US and
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New
Zealand. Again, Australia had around 70 thousand
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prisoners
and Great Britain had
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only
30 thousand
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prisoners
and that was the lowest. After a decade,
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prisoners’
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number
in Britain remained almost the same while the
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number
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decreased
in Australia,
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New
Zealand and Canada.
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But
this
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year
the total
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number
of
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prisoners
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increased
in the US by 30 thousand and reached to 130 thousand. In 1950, the
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prisoners’
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number
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increased
in Britain and
slightly
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decreased
in Australia and
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New
Zealand.
On the other hand
, the
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prisoner
in Canada
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increased
and
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got
highest among the five
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countries
and
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decreased
in the US. A similar trend in terms of
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prisoner
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numbers
in these
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countries
could
be observed
after a decade.
Finally
, in 1980, the
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prisoners’
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number
in these
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countries
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increased
except in Australia. The US had the highest
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number
of
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prisoners
in this
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year
and Great Britain, Canada and
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New
Zealand had more than 80 thousand
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prisoners
in this year.

In summary, over the 50 years period, the crime and imprisonment
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number
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
worse in US and Britain while Australia, Canada and
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New
Zealand did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
progress. In 1980, Australia had the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
which indicate their improvement in law and order.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS academic The table below shows the figures (in thousand) for imprisonment in five countries between 1930 and 1980. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
289 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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