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The table below shows some data regarding Australia's nursing employment and total workforce in 1987 and 2001. v.2

The table below shows some data regarding Australia's nursing employment and total workforce in 1987 and 2001. v. 2
The table provides information about the number of nursing employees and its distribution according to several job positions in Australia. It also compares the total nursing jobs and the total workforce in 1987 and 2001. In general, the total nursing employment in Australia decreased sunbstantially though the total workforce increased significantly by 37% from year 1987 to year 2001. It can also be noted, with regards to different nursing positions, that the vast majority are assistant nurses whereas the number of Director of nursing boasted the least. To start with, in year 1987, the total population of nurses working in Australia comprises only one-eighth of the overall laborforce. This figure dropped sharply by 10% or to 161, 200 in year 2001 while the total laborers in Australia, iregardless of job position, rose strikingly by 37% which is 3, 738, 000. Turning to specific nursing positions, during 1987, morethan half of the total nurses in Australia are assistant nurses (117, 000). This is followed by Junior nurses, Senior nurses and Director of nursing having 39, 000, 20, 000 and, 4, 000 of population respectively. Eventually, in 2001, the figure for Assistant nurses, Junior nurses and Senior nurses dropped by 4%, 28% and 20% accordingly, while only the number of Directors of nursing climbed up slightly to 5, 200 in total.
The table provides information about the number of nursing employees and its distribution according to several job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
in Australia. It
also
compares the
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total
nursing jobs and the
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total
workforce in 1987 and 2001.

In general
, the
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total
nursing employment in Australia decreased
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sunbstantially
though the
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total
workforce increased
significantly
by 37% from
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year
1987 to
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year
2001. It can
also
be noted
,
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nursing
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positions
, that the vast majority are assistant
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nurses
whereas the number of Director of nursing boasted the least.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, in
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year
1987, the
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total
population of
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nurses
working in Australia comprises
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one-eighth of the
overall
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laborforce
. This figure dropped
sharply
by 10% or to 161, 200 in
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year
2001 while the
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total
laborers in Australia,
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iregardless
of job
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position
, rose
strikingly
by 37% which is 3, 738, 000.

Turning to specific nursing
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positions
, during 1987,
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morethan
half of the
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total
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nurses
in Australia are assistant
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nurses
(117, 000). This
is followed
by Junior
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nurses
, Senior
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nurses
and Director of nursing having 39, 000, 20, 000 and, 4, 000 of population
respectively
.
Eventually
, in 2001, the figure for Assistant
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nurses
, Junior
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nurses
and Senior
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nurses
dropped by 4%, 28% and 20%
accordingly
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the number of Directors of nursing climbed up
slightly
to 5, 200 in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS academic The table below shows some data regarding Australia's nursing employment and total workforce in 1987 and 2001. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
219 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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