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The table below shows how young people in Tokyo, Japan, listened to music over the previous month. The pie chart shows a record company’s international findings about whether people preferred live or recorded music. Summarize the information by selecting v.2

The table below shows how young people in Tokyo, Japan, listened to music over the previous month. The pie chart shows a record company’s international findings about whether people preferred live or recorded music.
The stipulated chart depicts the information regarding the youngsters way of listening music in various channels in Tokyo, Japan. The mentioned parameters are Live music, MP3- player, Internet and CD' s and the diagram illustrates the proportion in which the type of music form people want to experience. It has been clear from the data that more than two third (79%) of the male preferred MP3-players for listening music followed by live music (69%). Only one fifth (19%) of the young men loved to enjoy music from CD' s. Whereas, girls always recommended live music (44%) over other music channels. A considerable proportion of 42% young females relayed on internet for the same. CD' s had been the least popular music channel among them. Looking in to the pie chart, we can see that overall a massive 70% individuals favored live concerts over other forms of music. One fourth portion of the people selected recorded music as their personal choice. While, a mere 4% people doesn' t have nay king of favorite choices. In conclusion, Both male and female opted live music as their favorite choice despite the gender factor. In most of the categories men' s proportion were higher except CD' s.
The stipulated chart depicts the information regarding the youngsters way of listening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in various channels in Tokyo, Japan. The mentioned parameters are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, MP3- player, Internet and
Possible spelling mistake found.
CD&
#039; s and the diagram illustrates the proportion in which the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
form
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to experience.

It has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the data that more than two third (79%) of the male preferred MP3-players for listening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
followed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
(69%).
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
one fifth (19%) of the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
CD&
#039; s.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, girls always recommended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
(44%) over other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
channels. A considerable proportion of 42% young females relayed on internet for the same.
Possible spelling mistake found.
CD&
#039; s had been the least popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
channel among them.

Looking in to the pie chart, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
overall
a massive 70% individuals favored
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
concerts over other forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. One fourth portion of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
selected recorded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as their personal choice. While, a mere 4%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t have nay king of favorite choices.

In conclusion
, Both male and female opted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as their favorite choice despite the gender factor. In most of the categories
Possible spelling mistake found.
men&
#039; s proportion were higher except
Possible spelling mistake found.
CD&
#039; s.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS academic The table below shows how young people in Tokyo, Japan, listened to music over the previous month. The pie chart shows a record company’s international findings about whether people preferred live or recorded music.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
203 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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