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The table below show information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002. Percentage of national consumer expenditure by category 2002. v.2

The table below show information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002. Percentage of national consumer expenditure by category 2002. v. 2
The given tabular representation depicts the proportion of national consumer expenditure on different goods in five different countries in 2002. At a first glance, it can be seen that the highest amount of money spent by Turkey on food, drink and tobacco that was 32. 14%. However Ireland was noticed at second position which spent 28. 91% money whereas Swedish people spent lowest money on food, drink and tobacco (15. 77%). furthermore these items got 16. 36% share from Italy and 18. 80% from Spain. Asserting further, it can be said that, clothing and footwear had highest share from Italy. Interestingly the other four countries remained between 5% and 6% respectively. Apparently in the case of leisure and education all countries Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey spent almost same amount of money ( 2. 21%, 3. 20%, 1. 98%, 3. 22%, 4. 35% respectively ). Overall, it is evident that, all countries spent maximum money on food, drink and tobacco rather then other goods.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
tabular representation depicts the proportion of national consumer expenditure on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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countries
in 2002.

At a
first
glance, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the highest amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
by Turkey on food, drink and tobacco that was 32. 14%.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
Ireland
was noticed
at second position which
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spent
28. 91%
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money
whereas Swedish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on food, drink and tobacco (15. 77%).
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
furthermore
these items
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
16. 36% share from Italy and 18. 80% from Spain.

Asserting
further
, it can
be said
that, clothing and footwear had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
share from Italy.
Interestingly
the other four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
remained between 5% and 6%
respectively
.
Apparently
in the case of leisure and education all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden and Turkey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
almost same amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
2. 21%, 3. 20%, 1. 98%, 3. 22%, 4. 35%
respectively
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
.

Overall
, it is evident that, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on food, drink and tobacco
rather
Did you mean "than"? 'than' is used for comparisons, 'then' is an expression of time.
then
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS academic The table below show information on consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002. Percentage of national consumer expenditure by category 2002. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
165 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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