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The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. v.2

The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. v. 2
The pie charts depict the different contributing factors to make people happy between two age groups; under 30 and over 30. It is apparent that, people under 30 the physical appearances are important contributing factors to the happiness and travelling whereas over 30 years old people can feel happy by financial security and family factors. Meanwhile, achievement at work and hobbies remained at the highest contributing factors for the happiness for all age groups. About a fifth of people under 30 years old answered the physical appearances are one of the contributing factors to be happy as well as travel of 15% answered, whereas a quarter of people have chosen the financial security as the happiness factors and 14% of them chose as the family is the factors for the happiness. In contrast, similar rates of all age groups have responded the achievement at work as the prominent factors for happiness of 31% for under 30 and 32% for over 30, while hobbies contributed about 22% for under 30 and 24% for over 30 years old people.
The pie charts depict the
different
contributing
factors
to
make
people
happy between two age groups; under 30 and
over
30.

It is apparent that,
people
under 30 the physical appearances are
important
contributing
factors
to the
happiness
and travelling whereas
over
30 years
old
people
can feel happy by financial security and family
factors
. Meanwhile, achievement at work and hobbies remained at the highest
contributing
factors
for the
happiness
for all age groups.

About a fifth of
people
under 30 years
old
answered the physical appearances are one of the
contributing
factors
to be happy
as well
as travel of 15% answered, whereas a quarter of
people
have chosen the financial security as the
happiness
factors
and 14% of them chose as the family is the
factors
for the happiness.

In contrast
, similar rates of all age groups have responded the achievement at work as the prominent
factors
for
happiness
of 31% for under 30 and 32% for
over
30, while hobbies contributed about 22% for under 30 and 24% for
over
30 years
old
people
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
177 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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