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The graph shows the contribution of three sectors - agriculture, manufacturing, and business and financial services- to the UK economy in twentieth century. v.2

The graph shows the contribution of three sectors - agriculture, manufacturing, and business and financial services- to the UK economy in twentieth century. v. 2
The bar chart indicates how UK economy is affected as percentage by sectors such as agriculture, manufacturing, business and financial services over the period from 1900 to 2000 in twentieth century. It is seemed clearly that economic contribution of the business and financial services increased during the period whereas the manufacturing affection decreased on UK economy. Regarding as contribution of the agriculture, it fell from 1900 to 2000 except for the biggest contribution among all years in 1950. As regards the first, agriculture accounted for almost 50% of economic contribution in 1900 before climbing to roughly %53 in 1950. Furthermore, it experienced approximately %40 and %56 decrease sharply from 1950 to 1975 and 2000 respectively. In terms of business/financial services and manufacturing, it was evident that the manufacturing contribution declined gradually from %45 to %15 in contrast to steadily rising of the business and financial services from %4 to %35 steadily.
The bar chart indicates how UK economy is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
as percentage by sectors such as agriculture,
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manufacturing
, business and financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
over the period from 1900 to 2000 in twentieth century.

It
is seemed
clearly
that economic
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contribution
of the business and financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
increased during the period whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
affection decreased on UK economy. Regarding as
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contribution
of the agriculture, it fell from 1900 to 2000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
the biggest
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contribution
among all years in 1950.

As regards the
first
, agriculture accounted for almost 50% of economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribution
in 1900
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
climbing to roughly %53 in 1950.
Furthermore
, it experienced approximately %40 and %56 decrease
sharply
from 1950 to 1975 and 2000
respectively
.

In terms of business/financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
, it was evident that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contribution
declined
gradually
from %45 to %15
in contrast
to
steadily
rising of the business and financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
from %4 to %35
steadily
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
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IELTS academic The graph shows the contribution of three sectors - agriculture, manufacturing, and business and financial services- to the UK economy in twentieth century. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
151 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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