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The table below gives information on the gender marital status and age of employees working in retail and manufacturing industries of a country Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.2

The table below gives information on the gender marital status and age of employees working in retail and manufacturing industries of a country
The table depicts the statistics of employees of a country in retail and manufacturing industries categorized by gender, marital status and age. The proportion of male workers (65%) is significantly greater than the proportion of female employees (35%) in the manufacturing industry, when compare to retail industry where there are 47% men and 53% women. The percentage of married men in retail domain is 61% as compared to 69% in manufacturing sector. An employee working in retail sector has an average age of 40 years, whereas it is 44 years in the case of manufacturing domain. The percentage of workers having age 62+ years in manufacturing industry was 8% which was double than what it was in retail sector. Around two-thirds of the working force was among the age groups 28 to 39 years and 40 to 51 years combined. The highest proportion of employees were in the age group 28 to 39, having 36% in retail and 32% in manufacturing domain. So, to conclude, female worker numbers were better in retail, while male employee numbers were higher in manufacturing
The table depicts the statistics of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
of a country in
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retail
and
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manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
categorized by gender, marital status and age.

The proportion of male workers (65%) is
significantly
greater than the proportion of female
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employees
(35%) in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
, when compare to
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retail
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industry
where there are 47%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and 53% women.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
percentage of married
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retail
domain is 61% as compared to 69% in
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manufacturing
sector. An
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employee
working in
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retail
sector has an average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 40 years, whereas it is 44 years in the case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
domain.

The percentage of workers having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
62+ years in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
was 8% which was
Use "doubler" to make a comparison with this adjective.
double
than what it was in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retail
sector. Around two-thirds of the working force was among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups 28 to 39 years and 40 to 51 years combined. The highest proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
were in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group 28 to 39, having 36% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retail
and 32% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
domain.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
to conclude
, female worker numbers were better in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retail
, while male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
numbers were higher in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS academic The table below gives information on the gender marital status and age of employees working in retail and manufacturing industries of a country

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
179 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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