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The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.3

The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.
The illustration depicts the electronic shopping sales for the retail market in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013 respectively. Firstly, in 2003, travel sales garnered the most online sales with 36%, followed by clothing and film and music with 24% and 21% respectively, combining for 45%. The least number of sales at this period was book trading at just under 20%. Secondly, by 2013, Film and music sales displayed a 12% increase from its previous level. Contrastingly, travel sales and clothing merchandizes experienced a dip in the retail market with approximately 7 to 8% regression. Publication sales made a slight nudge of 3% at the same year. In summary, both entertainment and publication sectors had an increase in online sales, while on the other hand, travelling and clothing mercantiles showed a downward trend in a span of 10 years.
The illustration depicts the electronic shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
for the retail market in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013
respectively
.

Firstly
, in 2003, travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
garnered the most online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
with 36%, followed by clothing and film and music with 24% and 21%
respectively
, combining for 45%. The least number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
at this period was book trading at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 20%.

Secondly
, by 2013, Film and music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
displayed a 12% increase from its previous level.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Contrastingly
, travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
and clothing
Consider using the more commonly used "merchandises".
merchandizes
experienced a dip in the retail market with approximately 7 to 8% regression. Publication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
made a slight nudge of 3% at the same year.

In summary, both entertainment and publication sectors had an increase in online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
, while
on the other hand
, travelling and clothing
Possible spelling mistake found.
mercantiles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a downward trend in a span of 10 years.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
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IELTS academic The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
139 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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