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The table below gives information about the employment sectors in which people from 3 age groups worked v.2

The table below gives information about the employment sectors in which people from 3 age groups worked v. 2
The table compares the number of workers in ten different industries, divided into three groups of age. Overall, the number of people joining the manufacturing, agriculture, local government, and education sectors increase with ages whereas the trend of retail and other ones is reversed, making an exception of catering, health, law, and accountancy. The manufacturing is the most popular among people over 40, with 23 people recruited, which approximately doubles the number of youngest ones. Similarly, 18 workers of the oldest group of age work in local government, compared to only 8 ones under 25. Education and Agriculture follow a similar pattern, but on a lower scale. By contrast, retail and other sectors are selected most by the youngest employees. Regarding retails, this group of age gains 23 people, while 13 people are relatively equally divided between two remaining categories. Meanwhile, the number of people working in other industries decrease by age, from 21 people under 25, plunging to 9 ones over 40. Two aforementioned patterns are not reflected in others. A few more people in the age between 25 and 40 than the number in two other groups of age are employed in catering and health. Meanwhile, three age categories equally contribute 4 people to Law sectors. Conversely, each of youngest and oldest groups has 3 accountants, in comparison with only two people in the rest of ages.
The table compares the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of workers in ten
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
industries, divided into three
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groups
of age.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
joining the manufacturing, agriculture, local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, and education sectors increase with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
whereas the trend of retail and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
is reversed
, making an
The usual collocation for "exception" in this context is "to" not "of". Did you mean "exception to"?
exception of
catering, health, law, and accountancy.

The manufacturing is the most popular among
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people
over 40, with 23
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people
recruited, which approximately doubles the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the youngest".
youngest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
Similarly
, 18 workers of the oldest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
work in local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, compared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
under 25. Education and Agriculture follow a similar pattern,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on a lower scale.

By contrast, retail and
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other
sectors
are selected
most by the youngest employees. Regarding retails, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
gains 23
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, while 13
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people
are
relatively
equally
divided between two remaining categories. Meanwhile, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
industries decrease by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, from 21
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under 25, plunging to 9
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
over 40.

Two aforementioned patterns are not reflected in others. A few more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
between 25 and 40 than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
in two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
are employed
in catering and health. Meanwhile, three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
categories
equally
contribute 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to Law sectors.
Conversely
, each of youngest and oldest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
has 3 accountants,
in comparison
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the rest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS academic The table below gives information about the employment sectors in which people from 3 age groups worked v. 2

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
229 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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